What is meant by "W trying NC OM"? Is she trying to not contact the OM, or is she trying to work on the MR?
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The other thing is shes never said she wants to work at our marriage, infact she has said the opposite. So that plays on my mind abit.
I dont actually know if she wants to spend time with me or just feels its the right thing to do. We have not had any alone time, always with Son or family so its never been about us.
Well, I suppose that answers my questions.
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I have to come to terms that she doesnt want me as her husband.
Well she talks about leaving and having no feelings for me. She makes family plans with me, asks me to accompany her to appointments and stuff, shopping and dinning together.
If you've come to terms, what's the problem in doing just what you want to do and not worry about what she says?
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Right now i have to decide which way im going to go tomorrow. a) suck it up and do the family thing b) tell her i cant do it. She can tell her mum and rest of her family members why i am not there.
First one sounds like me. I'd endure stoically. The latter feels weak but hey next year we might not be together anyway so what difference will it make.
Actually, the first sounds like you b/c you are trained to suck it up and do whatever your W tells you. That's a nice-guy type of H. And, it is not the one that will make you look strong. You tell yourself it is strong, maybe to ease your own emotions, but you are resentful inside. It is much harder for you to do the second one, and even harder if you don't tell her some b.s. excuse about having something to do, and just tell her you aren't interested in going on a vacation with a woman who doesn't want to be your W. That takes bigger b@lls.
You see, you can decide if you want to take the soft route or the tough route......and it will solve having to make these individual panic type decisions. Instead of you saying, "I feel like telling her.......", you just refer back to which route is on your map. The first is simple. You just serve up cake for her and do whatever she says, and try to keep her in a good mood, and walk on eggshells. But wait......isn't that what you've previously done? The second is rather simple, too. Instead of thinking what you'd like to tell her.......you just tell her, and go on about your life. She caused this mess. Now, she has to put on her big girl panties and clean it up!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
