Last night I picked XH up at the airport. I take him to my house. He walks right into the bedroom to put his bags down.
In the car he was sort of distant. Tired looking and that was the feeling that I got, not tired so much from lack of sleep, but just drained and down.
I had mentioned spending his 40th birthday with him when I was in Seattle this past weekend. At the time he kind of blew it off and said he wanted to be alone. In the car from the airport, he said that he was going to attend his nephew's graduation in Oklahoma. That he would be there for his birthday. Then he said, "I'm not even going to get laid for my 40th birthday, you know your getting old then." I just said that life is all about choices. Let's see XH, if we were together, I would also be going, and YES you would get laid.
We chatted about his new house and I did my best to validate his feelings.
At the house we watched the last few minutes of the NBA playoffs while just sitting on the couch. I have a little Miniature Pinscher dog and as soon as we sat down, she jumped on his lap and crawled up on his chest and went to sleep. She doesn't do this with people when they come over, so may she knows something?
I leaned over to kiss him, (we had not yet kissed at all) he was not really receptive. Ok, maybe not a good time since the game was on and all, (even though it wasn't even close). I didn't push.
Once the game was over and of course even though there are 100's of channels, there was nothing to watch. I put the dogs away and we went to bed.
WELL... he may have not been receptive on the couch, but it was ALL about me in bed. He was so into just wanting me to enjoy. He would ask "Do you like this?" touching, kissing, oh my!
We both slept very peacefully and snuggled together all night. We have these very comfortable positions that no matter if one of us wants to sleep on one side or the other or on our back the other will adjust so we can remain touching and snuggled.
Our S is out of town, so XH is using his car to go to the eye doctor. I left for work before he had to get up, so I left him sleeping in my bed and went to work. I told he was welcome to use my PC or he could connect his laptop to our home network if he needed to. I told him that none of the kids would be home in the afternoon so he would have the house to himself. I said I have a meeting that will last until 3:30 or 4:00 and I would be home after that. Kissed him lightly and he said, "your leaving?" I said I had to, but for him to have a good day and he said, no. Not at all in an angry or upset way, but a down, sad way. I said why not, he said he didn't know. I said, you just don't want to? he said no. All of this is while he is snuggled under the blankets and I am giving him light kisses on his face. I could so feel his pain. But there isn't a lot I can do except BE ME! So I just said, oh I'm sorry, don't be grumpy, more kisses and left.
<sigh>
He will be here through Sat. He just called me to say that he was having the eye surg tomorrow and the 24 hour check on Sat. I asked if he had any plans and if he wanted to get a massage. I have found the absolute BEST place ever for massages. So I am going to see if we can get in on Sat after his appt.
The thing that is so weird for me is that last weekend while I was up there and now last night and today is that it is SO NORMAL. We are doing just normal life stuff. Sitting on the couch with a glass of wine watching TV, or making appointment arrangements. That is normal life.
Oh but wait.... We are NOT normal! We are in this twilight zone episode.
When the alarm went off this morning it was just as it had done 1000's of times before. In that split second I truly felt like all was good in the universe.
