Are the two of you attending counseling for healing after an affair? If not, you need to find a therapist who specializes in this ^^^^^. Do not leave it up to you and W to work out together. You need guidance while piecing.
As I wrote on Coconut's thread, when you enter into piecing, you have to adjust or eliminate some of the actions you might have done when she was wayward. You gradually increase time together, and you have a lot of family fun. Focus on those times together as positive times and doing things enjoyable.
When piecing, you don't want to be unavailable all the time. It's okay to initiate contact. It's fine to engage in a conversation. See what I mean? The main thing is to not smother her.
"Watching her", being with her too much, being clingy, and wanting to be touchy......seem to represent your need for assurance. However, these very things could be a real turn off for her. It depends on how she use to be about those things, and how bad wayward she became. For me, it was all I could do to breathe the same air as my H.......so those things would not have been a good thing at my house. Remember, she's going through a process, too.
I suggest you slowly begin the touches with non-sexual ones. Your hand slightly touching her arm as you reach around her or pass her in close quarters. Your hand laid on the top of her shoulder or your arm laid casually on one shoulder. Then you work up to touching the small of her back when she's going through a door in front of you, or getting in a car, those type of things. Another one is touching her elbow, and/or on her arm. Don't make a big deal out of it, just do what you would normally do these. When she seems comfortable with these non-sexual touches, then gradually start with just a little more personal type touching. The face is extremely personal, and touching her hair, hands, and legs. Don't do these all in one day or even a week. Read her body language and see if she tenses or quickly moves as if not paying it any attention.
Once you are sure she is fine with these touches......then you can probably get more intimate, if she seems open to it.
I think sex is like sealing the deal, for the LBH. Just don't rush it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
