Just a quick update... Not sure if I belong here or not, but gosh you all are such good friends and it would be like moving to another city, just not ready to do that...
Anyway, last Thursday I went to dinner with oldest S and XH called my cell. I didnt' answer it but he called back again so I answered that time. He said he was deciding if he was going to come down to golf in a tournement on Fri. I said come on down.
We talked about getting together. He said he wanted to see me, but didn't want to cause me issues. I asked if he was seeing anyone, and he said that he had no plans to have a R with anyone. I asked if he was sleeping with anyone and he said no. He said he would call me when he got in and let me know what he was going to do.
He called and said that he was just not at a good place. That he was not good for anyone and didn't want to subject me to it. I told him OK and that I wanted it to be positive for both of us and if it didn't work for him that was ok.
About 30 min later he called back and said that he really wanted to see me. That for one night he was going to put his mental problems aside and see me. That he would go home and spend the rest of the weekend being depressed.
He came over and spent the night and my house.
I was not clingy or needy at all, as a matter of fact, I didn't even walk him to the door.
Saturday afternoon H sends me a text message: I am taking 30 days to be alone. I hope you understand, but WOW what a night with you!
I page him that I understand and yes WOW the night was great. If he needed anything to let me know and that he was in my prayers.
Several hours later he text messages again: I love you
This morning a little after midnight he calls me. Said he couldn't sleep. We only talk for a few minutes.
I don't know what the 30 days alone meant. Is he taking time off from work? or just not trying to see me?
My impression was that he meant time away from you, but I don't take it as a bad thing. Obviously, he wanted to see you and talk to you, and well, dammit, he loves you!
Can you muster up the strength to say, "do what you need to do?" As in no pressure? And let him have his 30 days?
He is so torn/broken right now...A little space/time just BEING with himself might be good.
Detachment is the key! Do you keep really busy with a good social life and things to do outside of work? Any plans for the summer? You don't want to be biting your fingernails the whole of those 30 days!
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
Hi Water! It has been a long time... ((((({{Water}}))))) Well, after catching up on your situation and remembering some of your previous threads, it looks to me as if your H is very depressed and insecure. Remember how he was saying he was a terrible father, and now he says he is a relationship destroyer... his self esteem is in the toilet and he is very depressed. He likes talking to you and spending time with you because you make him feel better, and I'm sure the helps him feel good, too! However, this back and forth is terribly hard on you. And it looks like he can't firmly give you an exclusive committment. I think the 30 break is actually a good idea for both of you. And you have the right idea in that you want him to meet the standards you would have for any relationship. That is fair, and you need to respect yourself... Hope fully his counselor can help him get to the bottom of his self esteem and depression issues. Clearly he has been an excellent father and you guys have managed to stay together for SO long before all this madness started, and seem to have done OK... so he is definately in la-la land on that one too. 30 days isn't that long really, and you could use a break from the drama as well, don't you think? Maybe we could get together and shoot some pool or have a drink.... Anyway, hang in there, talk to you soon, SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
Hello all and thank you SO much for the thoughts and well wishes. It is awesome to have such a wonderful group of cyber friends! Thank you all!!
Well let's see as far as an update....
I went to FL for a few days away and then a work conference. I had asked XH to come to FL with me. He said he needed to take 30 days to be alone. He paged me several times and called twice, both times at 2am.
Last Friday he sent me a page that he had finally put in an offer on a house. He sent me the web link and it is really nice. I asked if he was excited and he said. "Some what".
He asked if I wanted to come up for the weekend. So I book a flight, pack my bag and off to the airport.
I am through security and he pages me that he will have to cancel. WHAT!!
He said he had too much stuff to get done and if we are going to spend the money he wanted to be able to enjoy every minute with me.
I tell him that I was already at the airport. We go back and forth and he says he still wants me to come up.
He had to meet with the builder of his house, so I got to see it. It will be several weeks before he can move in.
We just did normal stuff. We went to appliance stores to look at refrig. Washers/Dryers, Tv's etc.
He told me that he slept the best he has in a while that night. He asked how I slept, I told him I always sleep well next to him.
His 40th birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I asked if he had any plans and he said to be alone and cry. I offered my shoulder, but he wasn't too receptive, so I left it alone.
We hung out and watched TV together, sat close with our legs over each other. We took a nap together on the couch on Sunday. His roommate was there and he has been a friend and coworker of XH since pre bomb. We all watched part of the playoffs last night.
Just normal stuff.
He paged me when I landed this morning to make sure I made it safely. I thanked him for a nice weekend and that he gave up ironing for me! He responded with a laugh!
He is still on the journey. Heck, so am I with my own feelings and thoughts.
That is the latest. He will also be down this week as he is going to have laser surg on his eyes at the same place that did mine. He asked me to pick him up at the airport and if he took me to work could he use my car on the day before his surg. So I am guessing he is staying with me.
Yickes, I haven't been home hardly at all in almost two weeks! I need to get the house cleaned.
I hope everyone knows that I am keeping up on their threads, I'm just not always feeling like I am in a place to comment.
