Being there to help v going dark:balance

[Surfer]

Sandy tells me my W is a WW. I can see that. However, whilst there was an EA about 2.5 yrs ago I am fairly confident it stopped and there is not an active EA or PA at present.

IMHO, a person can be wayward and not necessarily be in an affair. Ending an affair does not mean they are no longer wayward. Waywardness begins in the heart.....and ends in the heart. Although, ending an affair is absolutely required before she has hope of restoring her heart with loving feelings for her H, and also, in ridding her other negative feelings that started the whole process of her waywardness.

I believe one distinct difference in a WAW and the wayward is that the WW is not interested and won't cooperate in reconciling the MR........no matter what the LBH tries to do to IMPROVE HIMSELF. The WAW is usually hurt and leaves the M due to specific circumstances. If the H corrects or changes those particular problems.......the WAW is more likely (but certainly not always) to consider reconciliation, than the W who is wayward. I say this b/c a WAW usually has a legitimate reason for removing herself, and her children, from the H. And as much as the WW blames on the H.........and even if he may need to make improvements.........she really has no legitimate reason to leave. In other words, it's not him........it's her. Regardless of the petty excuses she may give, her reason is that she's not happy. I believe other distinct differences in the wayward and the WAW, is that the WW plays games; manipulates her H; stoops to any number of levels to get what she wants; tries to cake eat all the time; and will even leave her children.... or put herself over their needs to get her selfish desires filled.

I believe the three areas that are found in waywards are resentment (refusing to forgive and/or letting go of the past; unmet expectations; unfulfilled emotional needs; etc.), disrespect (shown in the tone of voice and volume; put-downs; eye-rolling and other facial & body language; making fun of the S in front of others; not showing respect for the S in front of the children and/or others; lying; deceiving; and many other ways) and rebellion (any act that represents an uprising; disobedience; going in the opposite direction of the standards, norms, and values of the M; directly going against the wishes of their spouse.

Selfishness is the motivation in a wayward. Everything is evaluated as to what is in it for her.

I wanted to make one more comment about the W involved in an affair. Years ago, one of the vets made a statement that I have come to believe more and more. If you see your WW acting all happy and excited, it isn't a good thing. It usually means she has had contact, or is on her way to make contact, with the OM. If you see her down and acting sad, that's a good thing. It means she hasn't had contact with the OM.

You know what you said about having your b@lls firmly attached when you confronted the OM? I would like to borrow that definition to describe how the LBH needs to deal with his WW whenever she is screaming at her H, using foul language, bashing, and generally showing her rear end. I have tried to explain it before, and sometimes, it doesn't come across effectively. But your expression describes it to a tee, and doesn't take nearly the amount of words I would probably use.