Being there to help v going dark:balance

[Surfer]

Sandi.

Your insight is truly staggering. I really do appreciate the time you've taken to devote to this.

For years, my family and I (parents, in-laws, children etc), have tried to understand what is motivating my wife's behaviour. This has been the cause of much anguish for us all sadly - and I believe it has even caused health issues for some. However, in these few short paragraphs you have explained exactly how and why my wife is acting as she is. You will see from my earlier post that she continues with this behaviour despite the harm inflicted upon our children, in particular - and I remain astonished by this.

I read your note about a WW being sad possibly = OM being out of the picture. I agree with this. However, is rebellion (partying, reckless spending etc) enough as opposed to an OM - could rebellion provide sufficient payoff to the WW? Does there need to be an OM?....This seems like an attention thing - is it? I would appreciate your thoughts. Also will this behaviour escalate to implosion or will she reach a point to suffer some sort of loss - going dark presumably helps here?

Also how do you confront your wife BA ("B@lls Attached") when the children are always present. Bit tricky that one....or do you leave the conversation and revisit it another time? It's like my WW uses the children as a shield. Her tongue is her sword (and my word it is sharp - as is her ability to manipulate) and the presence of children or others is her shield. She can lash out and injure then put up the shield to defend. Any thoughts on how to deal with this? Comments like "I see what you are saying there" doesn't really cut it as my WW will just continue 'going'? Don't get me wrong here, I don't want to attack back, but there needs to be a boundary/consequence at times.

Thank you.