My wife walked out 3

[Zues126]

For sure RSG.

It's REALLY hard to detach. And it's hard not to see things from a narrative we want to be true: "WW is not herself, she is in the fog, this isn't really her, she'll snap out of it, she's in pain so obviously it is because she isn't being true to herself, she'll hit bottom and realize the right thing to do is work on our issues and R..."

Problem with this narrative is that 1) it is all speculation about the future and isn't necessarily right, and 2) it keeps you attached as heck.

Sorry to say, there are many other ways this can play out. I wen through the same thing with XW, she was wayward, depressed, lonely, said she would always love me, hated divorce, missed the marriage, she didn't have anywhere to turn. Well, she attempted suicide shortly thereafter. Then when she was back from the hospital it was full speed ahead to the divorce, we aren't compatible, she was on her journey of inner healing.

Oh, and don't think the IC is going to help her "shine a light through the fog". IC's work for their client, and people hear what they want to hear. XW probably spent half her time painting me as abusive to IC so therapy was about giving her the strength to move on from a dangerous destructive relationship and the big bad wolf that I am, and XW found the IC sessions proof that she was better than ever and on the right road.

Bottom line, the best thing you can do is save yourself. Normally I'd say to create as much distance as possible, but that's not always the best if there isn't an affair. Maybe I missed it, has there been any known EA/PA?

Beyond that, work on you. I have read a few threads now and don't know off the top of my head what your contributions were to the breakdown of the M and what your 180s are...which means you're not talking about it enough.

Finally, I'd highly recommend a DB coach. I don't want to hear about how much they cost. You say you love your WAW and want to save your M. Spend the money and get help. You say WAW refuses IC. DB is all about changing the dynamic by changing yourself. She doesn't need to go to IC, or to agree with you. You can promote change. And while I didn't want to scare you with talk about my XW's attempt, I will say this...your family is in danger, and you need *PROFESSIONAL* advice. Not spending the money now would be like trying to skimp on going to the hospital for cancer. Please get a pro on your side.