Don't know what to do

[Mono]

I'm home alone and relieved. He came home last night and we immediately got into a fight. I haven't seen him all day today and I've felt more relaxed as a result. This is not a good sign...

[Mono]

Saw my PCP today and got a referral for a therapist. Hoping they can help me figure this out and decide what to do, because my gut tells me one thing, but then I get confused. I know no one is replying to this, but I guess I'll just keep posting like it's a diary.

[roist]

People will come keep posting.Hope therapist helps

[Coconut]

Mono, your in a good spot compared to most, you came to this board already detached, and get to make decisions that are not based on emotion.

I would suggest really focusing on you, which it sounds like your doing. Seek treatment for OCD, go outside your comfort zone socially, GAL and try and spend some quality time with H.

Your not in crises mode, so you can really take your time and see how things go. At some point, a R conversation will need to occur to see where he stands, but for now, just make changes on yourself and that may cause him to make some changes on himself. I would also recommend trying to find something that you think he might like doing with you (neutral zone) and invite him, doesn't need to be fancy, just something to experience together. Some things that come to mind, ceramics, kayaking or paddle board, 5k walk/run, star gazin (planetarium), (volunteering) houses for humanity, stuff like that.

[Mono]

So I'm still here, still in limbo, unsure what to do. I haven't scheduled the appointment with the therapist yet, plan to this week. The husband and I live our separate lives, but he still wants me to help take care of things he can't handle, like the financial aspects of his art sales, and of course, paying the bills. I spent some time talking with a friend this weekend who has been trying to divorce her wife, but with completely different circumstances, and she was telling me about how a divorce would work out the finances ie my paying him spousal support, the division of the house, etc. I really do'nt know how to do this. I don't know that there is anything left to save of this marriage. He won't talk.

I struggle most with the GAL part. I am so shy. I just don't know where to start. Any ideas? Other shy, introverted types run into this problem?

[Cadet]

What do you like to do?
What did you do before you got married?

How about taking a class, volunteer at a hospital or something else.

[Mono]

I like to exercise, hike, run, swim, etc. Of course, mostly solitary activities. I tried to join a running group but ended up skipping/cold feet.

I used to like going to coffee shops and lounging. Of course, I had friends then to do that with. I guess I could go just to get out of the house.

I work in a hospital. I'd think of volunteering-maybe an animal shelter (as long as I don't adopt all the animals I suppose!).

I was so young when were were married-I was 23. We met when I was 21 and just out of undergrad. I don't know that I got to figure out who I was without him.

[Mono]

So I saw a therapist last night. Told me my story (as much as one can in an hour). She seemed at a loss-like she didn't see why I wasn't taking steps to end this relationship. She pointed out that when people (in her experience) try to piece a relationship back together, it's because life got in the way of the time together-especially with kids. My husband and I have no kids. Nothing got in the way of use devoting time to our relationship, except for a lack of wanting to. She also pointed out that I am enabling him-I pay the bills and tolerate his lack of employment or contribution to the household because at least the disfunction is familiar. I agree. It's been my way of life since I was an adult really. I've never known anything else.

I have no friends-except for one. Everyone else are friends that are mutual with him. I hope they stay friends. I don't know how to move forwards. I don't know how to ask him for a divorce, and I feel back asking for support here because it seems everyone else is the one who was left behind, rather than the one who initiated the divorce. Any input, or direction? Please?

[doodler]

Do nothing (regarding the marriage).

Continue going to therapy and get yourself on solid footing before addressing the marital issues.

[Coconut]

Mono, is your H aware that your seriously considering D?

Here's my thing, it seems what frustrates you the most is that he doesn't contribute to the household, he doesn't spend quality time with you and that you enable him.

I agree with doodler in not initiating the D and to continue with counseling (although I might suggest you find a pro M IC). You could also try some 180's, like stop enabling him. Don't do his books, cut out monetary support.

I think you need to work on getting over your shyness, if you leave him your still going to be alone, so use this time to really put an effort on stepping out of your comfort zone.