5 months & counting

[Rose888]

I can sum it up pretty quickly. 6 months ago he said "I'm not happy. I'm going to find what makes me happy". Fast forward to now- he's moved into a place with a buddy, but hasn't taken any of his things. He now says he's confused and doesn't know what to do. Says "I want to want to be back" which he attributes to feeling like I'm never going to be sexual enough for him. He says he wants to be back, loves me, blah blah but is scared that if he comes back it's gonna go back to the way it used to be where we didn't have sex enough. So now he says he knows he doesn't want a divorce, and wants me to give him time to figure things out. There's another woman, I should say girl. She's a member of our gym (we own a gym). He says they haven't been physical but I don't believe a word that comes out of his mouth. About two months ago he said he wanted a full 6 months away to really figure things out. Well his 6 months are over and he still doesn't have an answer. How long am I supposed to wait? (That's not a real question). I've been taking care of our 16 month old on my own (have been since she was born). I'm not an angry person and people keep asking me "how are you not furious by now?" I'm not, I'm just really really sad. And I really really miss him. I don't want to get divorced but I don't know what else to do.

Thanks for catching me up.

It sounds extremely frustrating. Is he willing to go to counseling with you? In the absence of clear objectives and rules for the separation, I can see how he got to the end with no decision.

And can I just say, if H had told me I wasn't sexy enough while leaving me to single-handedly care for our toddler? Um, no.

(I do think I should have prioritized sex more, even when our kids were toddlers, but H was a very hands-on dad and would have done more than his share if it meant a better sex life in return.)