I think it is important to let go of your need to control things - to hasten the descent and turnaround - as you say. The important thing is that's her journey not yours.
From your own point of view I would focus on critical areas like - what do I need to do to look after myself emotionally in this situation. How will I ensure the financial security of my family and myself. How will I look after the family in these situation.
These are the areas to focus on I think as through her actions she has become the enemy of your security and wellbeing and that of your family too. As for who knows and what they think, I would step back and leave that to unfold. If anyone from her family asks you, you can let them know they would need to ask her that.
But sotto I want carnage !!!
Me:47 XW 43 D15 D10 Together 17 married 15 Bd : Mother's Day 2015 Sep :July 2015 Divorce final October 2016