Last night XH pages me about 10:30 and says sweet dreams. We page back and forth for a while and he is wanting me to come to Seattle. There were no readily available flights on the airlines I normally fly. So I do some searching and find some flights that would work and page XH that information. And he responds with I didn't think you were going to do that.
I let it go and go to bed. In the morning we start paging again. Very sexy and nice messages. Messages that he wants me to do to him. And asking me to come up there. I tell him to know what he is asking me and find me a flight. (now it is past the one I found the night before). He says he is asking for a friend. I ask if his other friends do the sexy thing he asked me to do. He says no, just me.
I say I am his friend and is he going to book me a flight or what? He responds that No, you have too much drama. I tell him that I am sorry he feels that way, that I am going to go for a run and to let me know if he wants to see me.
He says I wanna see you, so there. My response...You are confusing the heck out of me. I am out the door to go run. I want to see you too. I would love to build a friendship with you and making love to you is awesome. Our slate is clean and fresh now and I don't want it to get mucked up. So there needs to be some boundries. If you make love to me, I'm the only one and to be honest with me. I'm worth it. Just like your worth it to me to give the same to you. XOXOXOXOXOXO
No more contact today.
It seems like twice he got me to the point of agreeing to see him and then said no. Almost like he is testing me or I don't know what. Maybe he just doesn't know what he wants.
I don't know if it was a positive thing for US, but I felt good about setting boundries. If I meet someone new, I would have the same values. I would have the same conversation with a new person.
Quote: I don't know if it was a positive thing for US, but I felt good about setting boundries. If I meet someone new, I would have the same values. I would have the same conversation with a new person.
I would agree, you can't lose who you are for someone else's sake. In order to achieve true happiness, you need to be true to yourself first! Let's hope H will understand and respect that ... so you can to share a future together.
I am confused, you got to hear about your divorce being final after the event and as a surprise?
I am so sorry for the difficult and confusing place you are in. I'm suddenly all over the place too, after thinking I really was detaching.
I certainly don't think you are being too restrictive, I think your H is having his cake and eating it as well - you are at his beck and call from hundreds of miles away, but he wants to be divorced from you as well?
What do you think might happen if you just went cool and dark on him and weren't always around to comfort him? Just a thought.
Livnlearn
"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates
I am still musing over the boundries I have set. I am going back to try to figure out why I have such difficulty in doing that and how it makes me feel.
Yesterday I was feeling very "up" thinking that because I had done that it was a good thing. (which it is) But then this other twist became apparent to me.
That some how as I have taken a stand that I am in some way BETTER than XH. Like he was less because he didn't share the same thoughts or that he couldn't meet them. It really scared me and perhaps that is why I had such a hard time standing for myself all through our M.
I needed to get to the understanding that setting a limit is not about winning or loosing, being better or worse. It's about being HONEST and true to oneself. By thinking XH was worse than me because he questioned my boundry, I was taking on responsibility for his thoughts and feelings. I cannot do that. It was sort of a round about way of doing it, but the effect was the same.
I still feel very good and will be ok. I continue to learn and grow even from this process. I will never be the same.
LL~ We had signed the final papers a while ago, I just had no idea how long it would take for them to be recorded and be all offical. I knew it was coming, it is still just a shock to open the mailbox and see it.
XH did call me last night. I was not home, (caller ID showed he called the house) then called my cell. We talked for a few min and he sounded VERY down.
I was meeting S and his fiance so we didn't talk too long. I asked if he wanted me to call him later. "sure"
I called when I got home and he did not answer. I left a message. Told him about my day and that I was going to bed. Talk to you later.
Your H is all over the place isn't he? I feel like I'm watching a tennis match.
Detach, sit on the curb, whatever, let him even out some. I think I read a suggestion that you go semi-dark, something like that and see what happens.
I stayed away for the BB this weekend, but have been thinking about a lot of the sitches here and am gaining an outsider view even of my own stich. And WOW..what we are going through..is amazing.
You see these sitch's on sitcoms all the time, but you don't see the REAL emotions, the REAL feelings of what is really going on, the heartache, what the children really are going through..but it is life 101.
We are all living our lives here, becoming better, more loving, compassionate people all due to our world being blown apart by our S's who we thought we knew. I guess we can never really know a person too well.
I mean you read in the paper all the time about someone who's flipped out, killed his family, his neighbors, his kids, whatever and the first words out of someone's mouth who thought they knew that person are "he/she was such a nice person"
I hope you have a great day. You are a wonderful, thoughtful, loving person and you have it all right NOW..with/or without your H.
Welcome back! It was wonderful to meet you...folks she is as KEWL in person as she is on the boards!
Last night XH pages me: I’m so sorry for putting u through any pain. I’m going to seek counseling for my whole being.
I told him that I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused him and I hope he can find true happiness. That I'm here if he needs anything.
We page a little bit back and forth. He tells me I'm a great kisser.
This morning we talk for about an hour. He says that he understands where I am coming from about not "sharing". He says it is too much of a commitment for him that he is not a good person and it is not good for anyone that he be in a R with them.
He said he is a R destroyer. He says he destroyed our R. I asked if he thought he had the skills to build a R and he said no.
He says he cares too much for me to try to get close.
It wasnt that he was handing me a line, he is truly hurting. He doesnt trust himself, doesn't like himself and cannot give anything.
I think he is thinking about loosing me (WILEY need to keep this going, suggestions?) He made a comment to the effect that if I went on one date I would be done with him. It was like if I dated, I would realize the difference and move on.
I told him how in the past that the door was open and I was standing on the other side waving him in. Now the door is open but he will have to come through the door to find me.
I pray that he does get help, he is not a happy camper at all. And I pray it is with someone good who understands men's depression.
My new goals in this new phase Total detachment Only contact him when he contacts me Focus on ME Get on with my life, drop the rope
OK, so maybe these aren't new goals... I think I've heard them somewhere....
Water! Hi! Ok, so now I want to smack him for you! Sorry...
Yes, he has NO self-esteem. I hope he gets help too. You have good goals. You gotta take care of you, which I know you will.
In a way it is considerate of him to want to stay away from you so he cannot hurt you, but it's also the easy way out. (as someone once told me!)
Focus on having a "casual" R with him. Not necessarily sexual unless that's what you decide to do, but act as if there are no strings and you don't care. Seems like he can't handle the pressure he is putting on himself of being "committed," so maybe if he feels less committed, he'll feel more comfortable.
Water, what a hard place for you to be in {{{{{water}}}}} I am so sorry for your news, I know exactly how hard this is. (You have read my sitch) But from one XW to another "IT DOES GET EASIER" As hard as that is to believe at this moment I promise it is true. You are a wonderful person, very kind and always willing to help others. Remember he is the one with the problem and I hope and pray he does get help. The good thing is that he admitted it. Please dont leave this BB, we are all here for you. Hugs and prayers
Halo
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect.
It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.
need to keep this going, suggestions?) He made a comment to the effect that if I went on one date I would be done with him. It was like if I dated, I would realize the difference and move on. 
