I don't understand why I'm like that as I know H doesn't change his mind and once he has decided that he is out, he is! If I look back I wasn't happy in my relationship but I have been brought up as a Catholic and you take your vows seriously!
I think the best thing for me is to go dark as much as I can with kids as otherwise I'm not going to get out of this. It's funny how my siblings are very strong minded and can deal with everything, whereas I'm not like that! I think stress at work and being tired doesn't help either!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.