I am still musing over the boundries I have set. I am going back to try to figure out why I have such difficulty in doing that and how it makes me feel.
Yesterday I was feeling very "up" thinking that because I had done that it was a good thing. (which it is) But then this other twist became apparent to me.
That some how as I have taken a stand that I am in some way BETTER than XH. Like he was less because he didn't share the same thoughts or that he couldn't meet them. It really scared me and perhaps that is why I had such a hard time standing for myself all through our M.
I needed to get to the understanding that setting a limit is not about winning or loosing, being better or worse. It's about being HONEST and true to oneself. By thinking XH was worse than me because he questioned my boundry, I was taking on responsibility for his thoughts and feelings. I cannot do that. It was sort of a round about way of doing it, but the effect was the same.
I still feel very good and will be ok. I continue to learn and grow even from this process. I will never be the same.
LL~ We had signed the final papers a while ago, I just had no idea how long it would take for them to be recorded and be all offical. I knew it was coming, it is still just a shock to open the mailbox and see it.
XH did call me last night. I was not home, (caller ID showed he called the house) then called my cell. We talked for a few min and he sounded VERY down.
I was meeting S and his fiance so we didn't talk too long. I asked if he wanted me to call him later. "sure"
I called when I got home and he did not answer. I left a message. Told him about my day and that I was going to bed. Talk to you later.
