Detachment, anxiety and the end of limbo 2

[Phoebe]

Hey, Painter! You're up, too, I see, but that doesn't surprise me so much. You and I are both true night owls. I actually start to get my second wind most evenings around 11 pm.

I love canning. If I don't do some canning project every year I don't feel like myself, so this is a particularly affirming activity for me. I don't want there to be a feeling like I lived one life with H, and then a different life after he left. I need to find ways to repair the rents in the fabric of my life, and maintain a sense of continuity. Something as small as spending an evening canning peaches with my Mom is progress on that front. It's proof to myself that some things about me are still the same.

I also hope my L-friendship turns out to be uncomplicated, because I absolutely need reliable people right now. I'm going to talk to him about it in person, instead of using the email cop-out technique. If anyone knows the peril of email, it should be me. If anything, I worry about my taking advantage of someone else right now, and not the other way around. I've been through the wringer, and that makes people want to protect me and care for me. That means that I am not the only vulnerable party.

OK. Now I really have to head off to my evening roost.