I really think you should be involved in social activities with W at the firehouse so you can be the supportive spouse while getting to know her colleagues and at the same time staking your territory as the husband. I promise you that the XOM will be quaking in his black boots seeing you there and he will most definitely try his best to avoid you.
And yes you will attend her graduation ceremony with S. Sometimes we may not always like our spouse's hobbies or whatnot, but we do need to be supportive of their achievements. Be the bigger person here. You are very capable of this and this is not the time to disengage from W. Otherwise it'll just be more of the same from you.
You must let this sink in you: turn toward W and engage with her. Joint activities is a bonding agent I the M especially after an A. It is a very dangerous time for you to be disinterested and disengaged with W and the M.
