Im not sure if I should still be posting in Newcomers. I have been posting on these boards for close to one year, and have no hope for reconciliation. But divorce process is only just starting, so maybe this will be my last thread on here. Thank you for all those that follow and respond. I am always amazed at how similar our experiences and feelings are and I am always greatful for the support and advice.
My recent thoughts have been a big jumble. Poorly organized and all over the place. Kind of like my emotions. But the central theme of these thoughts revolves around what makes a marriage last and why didn't mine? Abuse? Control? Finances? Sex? Kid?
There was an article someone recently posted on facebook that basically said that with marriage we are definitively doomed to a certain degree and variety of suffering, depending upon which partner we pick. I accept that and this is not a new concept to me, just humorous. "Hell is other people" right?
I always thought that a successful marriage would be based on a partner with a similar level of committment. And maybe that would make a marriage last but not necessarily be successful. But commitment level is impossible to predict. People can rationalize anything. Then I thought maybe a compatibility issue...but not true either. That's supposed to be achieved.
The article was actually hopeful though by expressing in order to have a successful marriage, our best chance is by choosing a partner that "can negotiate differences" someone that is "good at disagreement".
This makes sense to me.
I am always thrown off by the comment "work on yourself".
But really, in order to be a good partner I believe I need to learn to be better at negotiating differences and then perhaps it will be easier to recognize a future partner that can do the same. It's easy to respectfully debate or discuss when there is no emotional investment, however challenging when there are hurt feelings and egos. So this will be a huge challenge for me in the near future with upcoming legal process.
