Chapter 3. Let the detachment begin

[Coconut]

Gents:

Thanks for your posts. You touched upon the thing that I struggle with. How do I know what is working? Is it when she talks about reconciling, Is it when she reenters her old life as a wife and mother i.e. caring for all of us, ask me about my day, work, offering to help with projects, is it when she is upset about the things I'm doing in my GAL.

How do I know what's working? Recently when she has reentered her old life, she later says I pressured her into it.

So I struggle with knowing what works.

Bigybiz, I haven't been following your sitch, so if what I say feels off it may be, but I want to make a comment, so take it for what it's worth. You've been M to you W for 20 years, I think you know when she is sincere trust in that. I don't know if she is WAW or WW, but either may make her different, but when you see true sincerity, you will know it. If you don't believe to the core of your being, then it's most likely not sincere.

As for the house, like Sandi said, it's your house not hers and she needs to know that. If your neighbor had a key and was making themselves a little too comfortable, coming over at will and doing things a neighbor shouldn't, would you consider changing the locks? If so, then I would say do it. Put a boundary around your house, make it clear she's only welcome when invited, she'll get the hint. I might also suggest getting those locks that you can change the key for yourself, that way if she makes a copy of the kids key, you can easily and cheaply change them again. Make it clear this is your families house, and she left it.