No, your h isn't afraid of you. He's afraid that if he touches you it may rekindle those warm feelings that are now currently stuff at the bottom of his soul. In his mind, you are the authority figure and for now, he's going to keep his distance because he doesn't know how you will react or what you'll say to him. Yes, I know, it's silly, but to them, this is a very real situation and doesn't want any pressure or additional guilt laid on him for his behavior. They all say things about us and/or the relationship to justify their running away. They think it's the relationship and us that are creating the feelings that they are experiencing right now...but it's not us...it's them and their unresolved childhood issues.
Your description of his hair, beard and mustache is pretty typical of how they take care of themselves. As for the way he's walking, yep, that's the depression talking. I wouldn't be surprised if he starts having some health issues, i.e., illness, aches and pains, etc. They do tend to be sickly during this time.
Bee, I'm very sorry you are going through this. I know you want to make things better for him and you are doing all that you can when it comes to visiting w/the children, but you can't fix him. You can be a friend, listen and validate him if and when he wants to talk. Keep those expectations very, very low for now.
Keep moving forward and try to keep the focus on you and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
