I want to tell my W that I refuse to be in an open M. I don't know how to end the boundary though. Do I give an ultimatum?
OK, you can tell her this, then what? You are going to be separated anyway, so what will be the result if she crosses this boundary? You file for divorce?
The boundary is to PROTECT YOU not to CONTROL HER.
That makes sense. There isn't much I can do boundary wise short of divorce. I would however be able to address it? I was thinking something like: "I was patient with you when you thought I was being unfaithful. Now I am asking you for that same patience with me. You said you were done with both dude's and I believe you, however when I saw you put your sexy underwear on for the cookout (she left them on the toilet and I had to go and saw them, no snooping on my part) I began to have some doubts. If you are still interested in having a relationship outside the marriage that's fine. I will not however pay for the storage or the car insurance (I offered because I would have to pay like $750 per month in child support, but if I do it this way it works out to $500). Not because I am trying to hurt you financially but because I refuse to have any part in a Marriage that has more than two people."
My W just moved. Well everybody moved and today is her first night alone in her new house. She just texted me to thank me for everything (I paid the 1st month's rent and half the deposit, bought some groceries for the kids and helped move some stuff)and that we make a good team. I am going to answer her that we made a good team and there is nothing that we can't accomplish working together, too bad we won't be working together anymore.
Yeah, but I feel bad for never having gotten the family a house. I feel as if I can prove to her that I can be the man I always should have been, that I can provide for the family. She doesn't make enough money to pay for the house. I make almost twice as much as she does and I couldn't afford it. She really wants to be alone, so I am not fighting it. Maybe I'm feeling more guilty than I should be. I didn't answer her text, I will let it sit. After this move I will have nothing to do with her. I went above and beyond so she can see the difference when I don't respond to her. Thanks for the 2�4 SH!
I completely get what you are saying about trying to be the man you were not before the BD. You can still do that, just look to do it with things that do not help her with her decision to leave you. There is no value in that for her, nor you.
I know that you know that so take this as a brotherly love tap to your noggin with my sledgehammer my friend.
What have you planned for you now that the separation has taken place? What is your GAL plan?
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Very true brother, I plan on fixing my credit and saving enough money to buy a house. I am going to get back to working out and I have a finance company that I would like to start, so I will get moving on that. Thank you so much SH, I sometimes get lost in the motions and can't take a step back and really look at what I'm doing.
We all slip up into poor patterns of behavior. If we learn from it and move toward then we can still be successful. You have some good things to work towards. You will do well as you focus on them.
Keep at it. It is a journey and we can still enjoy it in spite of the bumps here and there.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
Next week I'll be alone for the 1st time every. Any pointers for me?
M:50 W:53 MR:20 D:21 S:17 S:11 BD-Sept 2015 Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015 Actually EA In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016 W moved out:May 22 2016 OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
