WAW,still angry, am I indifferent or detached now?

[SH_]

roist, thank you for the vote of confidence in how I handled the recent blow up. You are correct that I need to avoid the lies/white lies. They do not benefit in any way. After thinking on this and why it came out that way, I have deduced that not only I do it, but d17 does as well with her. It is because of the eggshells we walk on. I know for me it is a damned if I do damned if I don't scenario. I simply do not want to discuss nor debate with her. In our MR I would avoid talks for as long as possible because of her reactions. And now I have continued in spite of my best intentions to not do so. My response to her that evening was not one I was proud of, it simply came out and I regretted it before it even left my mouth. But , this will be of great focus for me as I do not need to explain myself nor avoid her reactions as they will come regardless and I am dealing with it. I say I am dealing with it, as I slept well that night and have had several good days since.

Sara, I agree with you, she no longer has a say in my decisions. And I am learning to make them with confidence and soon without repercussion from her.

JKsd, I am working on that sexy thing. I am feeling more confident at work and feedback from peers, my boss and the team I manage is adding to that. I am all over my jogging and exercising again and feeling better and looking as good as I have physically since before I got married. I have some fun things planned this week that will enhance my confidence so I am aiming down the right path for that I hope. That is the goal at the very least. I have seen your chatter about a pole......I may have to add that to the mix.

Rich hang in there my friend. I am actually looking forward to the final d now. I had expected it to be done by now, but not sure what the hold up is. Somewhere on her side, as my L has reached out several times with no follow up. For me it will finalize in my mind this portion of the roller coaster so I can move forward.

Jk I will check out the read you mention. My list of reads is getting longer but I think you mentioned it on audio. I get plenty of drive time during the week that I may try that out. The more I can learn about how to return to being the confident sexy knowledgable male that I can be will benefit right?

Phoebe, I am hatching a plan this weekend for more consistent journaling. I want to do it so I can look forward to goals, monitor my progress, get out my insecurities, look back on the lessons I learn and get some great support and advice from so many that are pushing forward on their own challenging path.

Honesty really is the best and it is what I stand for. I just have to get over what I now realize has been a bad habit of mine, which is tip toeing around her poor behavior. I had no idea I did it so habitually. But now I know, and I also know that her explosions are not affecting me because I see them for what they are. Irrational and they come from the place of a very immature emotional state. I can work on fixing me, but she is going to have to identify, and realize her own circus of monkeys, clowns, bearded women, acrobats, and 3 ring acts, and seek the help she desperately needs.

I just had a great day with my d's. We went mini golfing with a pirate theme and black lights so everything was a glow. We went swimming and played candyland. D5 seems to win every time. We watched the Incredibles which is one of my favorite Pixar movies.
Then WAW picked up d5 and we won't see her for 2 weeks. Bitter sweet. No d5, but no WAW. I should start useing STBX. That is more fitting now. I want to forget the memories of any WAW in my history.

Well, I will share more updates tomorrow and a plan with goals. Sleep tight and have a wonderful holiday weekend for those of you in the US.

"Your struggle is your strength. If you can resist becoming negative, bitter or hopeless, in time, your struggles will give you everything."
— Bryant McGill