That is good news. I hope you are doing well. Miss you!
H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6 S-9,8,8,6,4 S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15 EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16 PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16 XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16 Finally moving forward...
SH and Jim, I do read along although I don't post as much.
That's mainly because of the confusion in my sitch and whilst I think I am brave enough not to be concerned abouthat WH reading my posts. He is threatening me legally and I am sometimes very forthright.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Your WH is not a nice person, plainly. I'm sorry that he continues to try to drag you down. You are so much better than him.
I wonder sometimes if WH has found my posts, too, as I am also a bit forthright. I just hope that he's too tied up in OW and his own self-absorption to bother looking.
I hope that you start feeling better PDQ, Miss Vanilla. Pneumonia can really take the wind out of your sails, literally.
(((((lovely Vanilla)))))
H: 44, Me: 45 Married: 20 y Together: 25 y no kids Walk away: 12/15 Asked for temp separation 12/25/15 PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had) H filed for D 5/16
Hi Lady V. Sorry to hear about the pneumonia. When your unwell it doesn't help your mood anyway and with that sad excuse for a man give you grief as well it's no wonder your down
On the upside , you will regain your health and you will be free of Stupid Boy in the future , let's focus on that and let the rest pass us by
It was heart warming to hear of Glam Sis and her child genius visiting and a better tonic you could not have been prescribed
tell us some of the other positives going on in your life right now , let's focus on what's important and let all that other rubbish ( XH ) in the mental waste bin
What's up with White Van ? Did you drive it to fast ?
Your WH is not a nice person, plainly. I'm sorry that he continues to try to drag you down. You are so much better than him.
I wonder sometimes if WH has found my posts, too, as I am also a bit forthright. I just hope that he's too tied up in OW and his own self-absorption to bother looking.
I hope that you start feeling better PDQ, Miss Vanilla. Pneumonia can really take the wind out of your sails, literally.
(((((lovely Vanilla)))))
Phoebe I tried googling some stuff from my sisters tablet to see if I was found here. It had to be very specific.
I am sure WH would be crowing if he had found me.
Who knows?
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
Obviously, you should dismiss xWHs letter as sheer tripe (unless he is running for President of the United States ). But I am sure it still hurts to get letters like that. I still have trouble accepting that there is someone out there who detests me so much, because I consider myself pretty likeable.
(((V)))
RAI
Thank you RAI
You know this dislike is projecting.
I think it's an offense stance because WH maybe thinks I can go after his pension.
I just found he has had directorships by doing extensive Internet searches. So there are likely to be pensions based on that.
Things are marching on.
Hugs dearest RAI
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
A little late to this, but I want to chime in, because I feel like your inner voice is my inner voice
-----------------------
My guilt
- not spotting this nature in WH
If you did spot it, it would mean you were a distrusting person. It is his nature, not yours. And until you experience someone of this nature, when you are a loving trusting person you don't believe it exists. He didn't want you to spot it. You didn't know to look for it. Not your fault.
I do now! And yes I learned a lot. In particular how to spot this in another potential partner. Msd I did question my own nature, in researching I went through a phase of questioning do I have a disorder, an I an abuser, do I need codependency therapy. Am I self sabotaging and sometimes the answers weren't to my liking.
-----------------------------
- introducing this man to my family and friends
He was important to you. Of course you would introduce him to other important people. He was good at his game, and you had no reason to believe it was a game. Not your fault.
I did not question myself or WH at all. I had no idea I was being manipulated for money. I actually feel gullible and vulnerable. ------------------------------
- having few boundaries
This is a learning experience. It isn't intuitive for many of us, especially those of us who always put others first. You had few boundaries then so that now you know which boundaries to have. We aren't meant to be perfect. We are meant to learn from our experiences.
Life is trial and error.
We do it wrong a lot of the times, we do it right a lot of the times, we do what we have to do when it is both the wrong and right thing a lot of the times. Life isn't black and white. There are consequences to all of our choices right and wrong. Perhaps a blurred boundary also kept you safe in many ways some of the time. You did what you felt you needed to do. Now you are learning better ways.
A better thing to say I had not discovered my limits. Nothing had tested me like this. The more I enforced my boundaries the worse it got. The abuse escalated. I know from Ross Rosenberg training of counsellors why this is. I also learned I was not codependent but that my FOO set me up as a carer style.
----------------------
- being slow to bounce back
If you bounced back quickly I would worry that you would easily slip into a similar relationship again. Growth and healing take time to be permanent
I am taking my time. I don't believe in sexual healing and am not going to rebound into an R of any type. No dating until I am D, completely D legally plus 6 months.
This is one that consumes me too. I know H had recordings and has used those sound bites in a MS smear campaign with certain family members and coworkers. Makes me think that he might be right about me sometimes. But then I remind myself that, that was then, this is now. I had some moments in the past that I am ashamed of. They are part of me.
They could have been avoided. But it happened. I am not proud of that part of me. I understand how it was triggered. I know that my own SB can re-emerge if I am careless. But now I know when she is coming. I can pull her back. It doesn't feel as good to pull her back as it did to let her out, but it is better in the long run.
Leave SB in the past. Feed her when you feel her stirred. Keep her safe so she won't feel the need to escape. Tend to her needs before she is scared. She is part of you, but she doesn't have to be destructive when properly tended to. ANGER, it is a valuable emotion when properly tended to.
I have atoned although that make make me more vulnerable in my D. My L says I should admit no fault. --------------------------
- the on going depression and complex PTSD
Again, not your fault. You have been through hell and the aftermaths are overwhelming at times. Let it wash over you, don't fight it. Feel it, face it. this is one of my waves that I deal with. The kind of waves that will take me down if I try to ride it or fight it. All you can do sometimes is just go under and let it pass over you. Recognize it for what it is and don't try to take action in those moments. It will pass.
I am working on this Msd. There have been times I couldn't go passed the juice shelves, into the gym changing room and open my locker. Sleep in the MBR. I still can't shower, I need to bath because I feel so dirty. Certain clothes I have thrown away, lovely ones I really liked. Many things I discarded that I liked.
- my dire fins putting my business at risk
<<<V>>> Hugs. Lots of hugs. It is overwhelming, but I have absolute confidence that this is a wave your can overcome. You might not be able to ride it yet, but you certainly can stay at the surface. When you are surfing there are a lot of good rideable waves that you can't catch because you haven't swum out far enough. You are still swimming out past the break right now. It is exhausting, but you know it is worth it. Just keep swimming. (Just saw Finding Dory--couldn't help it)
between ducklings and Dorey I am doing well!
--------------------------- - lack of general motivation
Understandable. You are tired. Do a little when you can't do a lot. When you feel helpless pick the one simplest task. I think it was a goal setting podcast that my sister referred me to a few years back that said, rather than setting a goal to run 3 miles every day, you should set your goal to put on your running shoes every day. Then once your running shoes are on you already had success. You can then decide to set the next goal of running to the corner which is suddenly much easier to do because your running shoes are already on. And once you run to the corner, it becomes easier to go to the end of the street, etc. Even if you stopped at putting on your running shoes you are successful, but each next step becomes easier because the previous one was already accomplished.
I love this analogy and metaphor Msd, thank you.
You were amazingly motivating for me last year when I was failing miserably at everything. You helped me see that through that failure I found my strength.
Msd thank you. In my eyes you were mobbed and standing proud against great odds. That is holding your own.
If any reader of this post reads Msd posts from last year you will read one amazing journey, grit, hard work and enormous dignity.
It is my very great honour to have shared part of that journey.
That resonated with me. Even when H was trying to tear me down by bringing that failure up last week, it didn't sting because I know what that failure means to me now. It means that I plowed through and saw it to the end when all I wanted to do was roll over and quit. That failure has become one of my biggest successes.
Yes it has Msd. You are a true lady with self respect and dignity. WH is onto a losing argument there, the easiest would have been to give up and give in. You worked hard to get to the finishing post. You completed the marathon. I was so proud of you, I cheered.
The same is true for you V. You have so much strength, love, compassion, insight. You will do what you need to do because that is who you are. Just because you feel unmotivated doesn't mean anything. It is a feeling, and you are free to feel it while you move forward. ----------------------
- still having about 20 lbs of excess weight
The numbers always cause more trouble than they need to. Don't focus on that. Eat good food. Move to feel good. The rest will fall into place when you are ready.
I think my mind and body are holding on to the weight as a means of grey rock to deter WH. When I thought the D was complete the weight came off now it's gone back on.
-------------------------- - the fact that extreme self care has lapsed
Sometimes we take a break. A lapse is not a failure. It is a time out.
Back on the wild horse.
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Will that do? Ju
Big mess of guilt to wallow in.
I think most of it is just being unwell at present.
------------------------ Thank you for your lovely kind comments Msd.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
). But I am sure it still hurts to get letters like that. I still have trouble accepting that there is someone out there who detests me so much, because I consider myself pretty likeable.