Stages of grief

[Painter]

Hi Phoebe, it was actually before the meetup that I had the excited, happy feeling, but maybe I was just looking forward to it more than I realized.

I wonder if it has to do with getting to do a lot of things I wanted to do with H that he would never participate in. He was often supportive of things I wanted to do, but he could also be very disapproving and critical, especially of the people I was spending time with. I was never sure what kind of reaction I would get, it would depend on his mood and if I didn't mindread correctly what his need was at the time.

Anything that cost money would elicit annoyance. Or if he felt I should be doing something else. Or if he was resentful that I did something fun while he was at work, or that it took away my attention from him. I sang in the church choir for several years and he would never come to a service because it was boring and he didn't like church. He didn't see/hear me sing once. He went for a walk with me once or twice. He didn't like to go for walks. I'd ask him to come walk on the beach with me (it was a 5 minute drive) and he didn't want to. I would ask him to sit on the deck with a glass of wine and he'd angrily say "I don't want wine!"

I could never get him to go away for a weekend except once a couple of years ago, and I later realized he was texting with OW much of the time (May 2014, right before I found the first text). It feels more lonely to do things by yourself when you have a partner who won't share it with you. And maybe he felt the same way...

Anyway, I wonder if perhaps it's the freedom that's starting to feel good.

Son and I just planned a 2 or 3-day trip for his birthday in August to Door County, which is a very scenic and fun area of Wisconsin. I found a great little hotel on the beach that allows dogs. I think it will be a great trip!