Detachment, anxiety and the end of limbo 2

[Phoebe]

Well, it was kind an all-over-the-map kind of day. In no particular order, I got bummed out and cried, my doctors made me laugh without even seeing me, I sent an absurdly frank email, I biked, I spent quality time with my chicks and chickens, I took a full tour of my parents' gardens, and I got my new glasses.

So, it was a full day in a lot of ways.

I have to share this story about my doctors because I find it sweet. When I saw my T on Tuesday, he was concerned that he will be out of town for two weeks and I basically told him that I would only see his covering doctors if I was in a true crisis. (Meaning I wasn't going to see them at all.)

Thursday I saw him again and he seemed satisfied when I said I'd be fine while he was gone, but today I got a call from my GP's office saying she wanted to see me for a follow up visit sometime in the next two weeks!!! Yes, ma'am. When I saw her last week she said come back in 3 months!

They're friends and they're worried about me, so they hatched a plan to make sure I see someone while my T is gone! It was charming and I'm feeling well cared for by both of them. Plus, it made me laugh.

I slept poorly last night, waking up repeatedly to resentful thoughts of H, and that's new for me. I know the anger phase is supposed to be good for me and help me move on with my life, but it's interrupting my sleep again, just when that was improving! That feeling of being ill at ease contributed to the mini crying jag.

Let's see... The frank email was to my L/biking friend, spelling out my boundaries and saying what I need from him - to feel safe and free of any relationship confusion. I need a friend, and no more. I told him that if that wouldn't work for him he needed to tell me so I could distance myself. I've never been so upfront with anyone before. He said he was honored that I shared that with him, and that he was fine with us just as we are now (friends). Then we went for another bike ride! It was cool. Maybe I'll figure out how to navigate this new single life after all? It starts with relearning how to be friends with new people.

Anyway, it was an interesting day. I ended it by watching a movie called Youth with Michael Cain and Harvey Keitel. It has a spousal abandonment subplot, so not recommended as LBS-safe. Plus it was strange and slow and a bit too over the top in an artsy sort of way. Skip it unless you are a film buff.

Goodnight and I hope everyone sleeps well.