In fact things are more in my face then ever. I've held my head high and haven't let things shake me, until today. Not a good day. I was running late, my phone was dead and wasn't charging. I let my voice quiver a bit. My hands were shaking just a little. It was a minor slip in front of who I used to think was a mutual friend but has more ties to H and OW. It was a slip that I felt was not too terrible until I realized OW was sitting silently in the back of the room. She didn't see the shaking, but she heard the quiver. She saw me frazzled. Am I proving their smear campaign? My weakness? That I am not on top of the world all of the time.
This is going to be a long and awful summer. I will have to face her a few times every week. H is the spineless one, knows it has to happen and keeps a safe distance. Maybe what I need to do is forgive her. See her as just another victim, just one who doesn't know she is one yet. Get her out of the adversarial role so I don't feel like I have to prove anything? She is the talking head behind the smear campaign, but he is the one doing this.
I hate this position I am in. I either have to disappear from an important part of my kids lives, or stay entrenched in the hell they created for me. There has to be a third option. Going gray rock--I am trying but sometimes I'm human. The one thing I can say is I think she is also feeling the strain of it. Her behavior towards me has not been behavior someone who is confident and certain would display. She feels threatened as well. He is the enemy, she is the tool used for triangulation. To me it makes her just as bad, but the reality is she is just caught up in the smoke and mirrors. I know how easy it is to do that with him. Although, I never took arms with him against anyone. I always gave people the benefit of the doubt and that always annoyed him--made me naive, clueless, delusional. Honestly, being that way only hurt me in one instance, and he was the one I misread--not the others.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
