Lost at the moment (2)

[lfm]

I think I'm over 100 posts on my thread, so moving to a new one. Here's the link to the first:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2674615&an=

As some of the other members have done, here is a summary of my situation. Some details may be new for the group.

Been married for almost 21 years. After my wife got pregnant with twins in year 5 we started to drift apart, the focus was no longer on each other or the marriage. I began tring to push intimacy that was no longer there. When that didn't work, I developed an addiction to porn and to combine that with what I now realize were unrealistic expectations for what a marriage should be really started to ruin the trust my wife had for me. My actions continued off and on for the next 15 years, pushing here further and further away.

In January of this year, after taking some time away from a job she got burned out on, she took a part time job at a retirement home in our community, working 2 days a week. This is where she met the OM. In late March, early April, I began to suspect something was wrong/going on as my wife would leave our bed and go downstairs after she thought I was asleep. After a week of this happening every night, I snooped on April 5 and accessed her phone to find text messages that at that point turned my life upside down.

I confronted my wife about it and that is when I received the ILYBNILWY speach. She asked for some time to work through her feelings that she didn't know what the relationship with the OM was. She told me that at that point it had been texting and phone calls, but that there had also been a kiss or two, but nothing more.

As the next couple of months unfolded, she started going to the OMs house as it's not far from where we live, and that's where it turned into a full PA.

I realize now that I have been a doormat for the past couple of months, letting her do what she wants without consequences in hopes that she would wake up and realize what she is giving up. While she's gone back and forth several times, realizing she needs to end it, that there is no future with the OM, she continues to let him back in.

During this time, I have established some goals for myself and worked on GAL activities, spending more time with my kids, changing the way I dress, how I'm groomed, exercising a lot more and finding my faith again.

I still have a lot of work to do on myself and am working on identifying the boundries and consequences that I now know I need to start implementing and enforcing.