What should I be Doing (piecing 6)

[Coconut]

Ginger, I appreciate your input, not sure why your backing away, but if for you I fully understand, I just hope it's not because you don't think it's because I'm not listening to you, because I am.

Ok, so I want to clarify.. I never felt she put son in front of me until I disengaged from family, but when we have discussed current sitch, the last couple of years is really the time frame that is usually referenced, and during that time it was her and son quite often (my own doing). Prior to my disengaging, it was always me and her and OUR son, we both love him as much as each other, all 3 of us where in most pictures and she didn't try to get pics with her and S without me. But the when I really confirmed her withdrawing from me was when it was obvious she didn't want me in a family pic. When I brought up her putting S before me to her, I was referencing little things like me saying where I wanted to go to dinner and her checking with S to see if he was ok with going there, it really was just little things like that. I guess it was me feeling like I'm the man of the house and get to make decisions without his ok, it's not always like that but enough that I brought it up to her.

My biggest issue with what she wrote is that it's almost written like she's replacing sons pending absence (he will be going off to college in two years) with firefighting, instead of trusting I will be there. My problem is if I am going to be there, I'll be there alone with her gone at fire fighting. But realistically other than academy class, firefighting calls and meetings take up minimal time, maybe 10 hours a month (most calls she's gone 20 minutes, and meetings are once a month for 2 or 3 hours, truck checks are 1 hr a week). I truly believe OM isn't in picture right now, other than seeing him when also at station and at the meetings. But i do understand that just seeing him is too much.

For the most part, I don't worry when she's at station, but it is always there in my mind. So now I ask myself what's the right way to handle, do I expect her to quit immediately, or do I continue working on me and stop working on R unless she quits? She already knows my stance on NC, so barring voicing my boundary again, do I just move forward with separation and work on my future without her in it? Or would a better way be for me to contact him on her group me app, say it's been 1 1/2 months since he said he's changing stations very soon, and ask specifically when that's happening? Or do I let her finish academy and see how I feel then, and possibly have her take a 6 month leave of absence until I join, if I do, and if I don't then readdress her going back without me (at least we would have 6 months total no contact).