I'm going to step back from your thread for a while, coconut.
I'm going to leave you with this. My daughter will be number one in my life. Yes, it makes a big difference when the child is from a previous R. There is no guy who is going to walk into our lives right now and take precedence over her. It is what it is. Does that mean I will not give loving attention to that guy? No? It means the one constant in my life is my daughter and I protect our future and I know that guy could walk out at anytime. Her well-being will always be first. Heck, it's always number one before my own. Even when a married couple have a child, I believe they are very different kinds of love, and I loved my husband and my daughter with the same strength, but in different ways.
I have said this before and I will say it again. I don't think it is ok to cheat. (my ex cheated on me in the very worst way). However, there are many offenses in a marriage both partners that commit that are hurtful and cause distrust. Cheating and these offensives are mutually exclusive. One does not make an excuse for another, but both can be very hurtful and take lots of repair. There are many ways to break marriage vows.
I have had, since I was divorced, a few married men try to have an EA with me. None of them ever wanted to leave their wives. I had not cut off all communications with them the second I realized what they were doing. I counseled them instead, and did my best to lead them back towards their wives.
Again, I see people here telling you what you should tolerate and what you should not tolerate. You need to decide for yourself what you feel, and not how you SHOULD be feeling.
I wish you all the best and hope you find some true peace and come to a decision that you are comfortable with.
