What should I be Doing (piecing 6)

[Zues126]

Coco, I started to write my reaction to your W's email a couple of days ago but had to stop. I was too fired up. In general I have two things to say.

1. Any spouse that cheats on their partner should be asking what they can possibly do to make things right, what they can do to help minimize their partners pain, etc.

2. The idea of putting S first and her first was disturbing to me. I am 1000% against the idea of children coming first and nothing being stronger than a mother's love. I think GB nailed it when he pointed out the selfishness of this all.

I'm not giving advice here. I'd have to sort through a lot to uncover what I believed to be right. Divorce is not out of the question with a spouse that has betrayed you.

I think if you let her dictate the terms of R and accept her story you might save the M in name, but I don't see it as a ground in which an intimate relationship will rebuild. I, personally, might be willing to stay in an unloving marriage for the remainder of my days because I said I would...but the problem is since she already used the lack of intimacy as an excuse to cheat and walk once, it would be hard for me to invest further decades of sacrifice to a woman that has basically said she isn't prepared to make sacrifices herself. She seems to want a marriage that is almost unrealistic to achieve without making it the priority it demands.

All I know for sure is that I'd be very detached. I like what GB has written, I don't know how I could ever be emotionally open or vulnerable to someone that has me and our marriage last on the priority list after putting it in a precarious situation.