Sounds like you are doing the right things, cbt. the detachment is something that's kind of whacky. I realized the more you "try" to detach or "actively detach", the tougher it is. The strange thing occured when I just stop "trying" to do XYZ, and just focused on other things, and then, BOOM, detached. of course, there are swings here and there, but it's all about being in control of yourself, your actions, when they arise.
It's good that you are listening more, I've taken this approach, not so much with my W, because she's still saying craaaaaazy sh1t quite regularly, but just to other people that are around in my life. co-workers, friends, neighbors, family, etc. it's really changed my perspective on how to be present for other people, something I've realized that I was not good at in the past. (I think you know, I suffer from severe ADHD and this can make things extremely difficult to "care" about what others have to say from time to time).
I hope your W sees the "steps" your making to better yourself, and follows your lead. In the beginning, this was something my W was not capable of even seeing, and recently she's even admitted a couple specific things that she's found about herself that she knows she needs to work on. Now, if she's actually going to do anything about it, who knows. But I've reached the point where if she comes home tomorrow, I'd be very cautious about and reconciliation talk, and I know that's going to throw her for another loop, and probably create a little friction again, but that's okay, I'm just doing me.
you've been a good friend through this, I like reading your progress, keep it up, cbt!
