Hey KyleR, I'm glad to see that it looks like you've finally calmed down a bit from the initial breakdown. It takes time to process this and I know it's hard to implement a lot of the guidance/advice on the DB tactics. You've done well so far.
I think what Sotto and others are saying are correct. Yes, she might look like crap, she might behave oddly in your interactions, and while it's hard not to analyze what's behind it, how she truly feels, what she's doing, etc... it's best for you to continue your path and not focus on these things.
Also, the comment on making it known "you're not doing this for your W", would you consider that the "high road" in this situation? It's like you're being passive aggressive in nature by pointing out you're negative feelings toward your W. I wouldn't consider that as a reflection of a positive attitude. A simple yes or no does the trick and over time all that other stuff will play out on it's own.
I must admit guilt was the first thing I thought of too. It is sad so look at my W and see a shell of the women I use to know, I looked at her face and there was nothing behind her eyes, almost robotic in nature.
She leaves for her trip to Boston on Friday so will be interested to know what version of my W returns. A part of me is hoping that it be just what she needs to help start seeing clearly.
So much of your focus is on her. DBing is about turning our focus to ourself. Read Sotto's post again. Wise advice you should follow. KyleR, read your own posts. If your W were to read them would she find you more or less attractive than she see's you now. We are what we continually think. Our thoughts drive our actions. What are you doing to be a better KyleR? What are your goals? What are you doing to be the person only a fool would leave?
I continue to follow and post to your thread hoping the advice of so many may aid you in your sitch, but you must choose the path. You must decide what you hope to accomplish.
You and your family continue to be in my prayers.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
So I took the day off unpaid today to look after our poorly D5 today which I have absolutely no problem with. What I do have a problem with is finding out that my W only went into work until 11am but instead of coming to collect our poorly D5 she went home for a nap then went to go and have her eyebrows done and have a waxing. She didn't actually pick her up until 6pm!
Obviously I said yes but made a point of dropping in a comment to show I'm not doing it as a favour to my W and it was because I wanted to see my D.
then your W's actions below shouldnt matter at all. You got to see your daughter. Case closed. In fact, you got 7 EXTRA hours with your daughter because your W was tending to herself...
Originally Posted By: KyleR
my W only went into work until 11am but instead of coming to collect our poorly D5 she went home for a nap then went to go and have her eyebrows done and have a waxing. She didn't actually pick her up until 6pm!
Sounds to me like you did a favor for W and didnt get the response you were expecting.
I'm angry because of my W complete lack of maternal instincts. If I could be with my children when they're poorly I would choose that over going home and napping, she also left our D11 alone at home for 2 hours while she got pampered.
If I could be with my children when they're poorly I would choose that over going home and napping
Exactly my point.
You expected something from your W and were upset when she didn't meet them. I'm not saying what she did was right. But in my opinion, the only reason you are angry is because you had some level of expectation.
How about this...knowing that your D was with you, what would you think W SHOULD have done if she had "maternal instincts"?
Hi Kyler. Darkness is right , your W knew D was with you and could t be safer so she took time for her shes told you she doesn't love you and she wants a divorce , why would you expect her to think of you ??
Kyler , it's understandable to have expectations of a W but your W has resigned from that position so you have to stop having expectations of her
All having expectations will do is upset you because she won t live up to them
Usual selfish behaviour, I'm afraid. Imagine it like this; your W doesn't want you anymore, but wants the best bits of your relationship. She still wants the safety and security you bring to the family (as in the way you looked after your sick child), but thinks that she is now entitled to 'me' time. Yeah, it [censored], but you did your job (being a Dad), so it's not worth losing your head about how she reacted. You were a great Dad - that means something to your D. That's worth remembering, as your D will remember this in years to come.
M 45 W 52 SD22 S9 D8 BD 6 April 2015 Not living together 4 Dec 2015
