What is going on here and what am I doing wrong?

[Zues126]

I hear you mvg. Divorce laws are insane. It's so common for an XW to break their vows and destroy a family, pack the kids up in the car, move them into a house with another man, limit the father's access to the point that it's a shell of a relationship, then demand that the LBH has to work double time for many years to support both households to offset 'burden' of raising the kids more of the time. You are right to be scared. It's a twisted world.

And it's infuriating. I remember how angry I was in preparation of the social services interviews that would determine our parental time. It still blows my mind. XW pulls the plug and not only is my ability to live full time with my kids unilaterally destroyed immediately, I then have to charm a cobra to get to 50%.

When Raliced is giving advice on how to play the game to work your way into the school it just galls me. I'm not saying it's a bad idea, it just doesn't seem right you shouldn't have to jump through hoops to live with your children. I don't volunteer at my kids' schools, I don't know their teachers names. Of course I'd lose in a PTA popularity contest against XW, she's chumming it up with other single moms over starbucks coffee exchanging victim single mom stories, meanwhile I am supporting two households working a full time corporate sales job while also doing everything XW used to do in terms of running my home, cooking for kids, laundry, bills, car tabs, grocery shopping, while XW still hasn't gotten a job.

I can only say two positive things.

First of all, it worked out for me. I have 50/50. It's been going on 3 weeks now. It is life changing. Anyone that hasn't lived through years of watching kids grow up through the lens of every other weekend based on someone else's decision might struggle to understand my distaste for our US family law and our divorce culture. But in the end the call was made and now I've got my kids. While it's not living with them with a wife and their mother, at least I am their dad. There is no doubt about it. And while I don't know their teachers, I know my kids. They are eating healthy food, at the kitchen table, playing chess, reading books on their own now, and our charades and pictionary battles are legendary. While I am still anxious, overwhelmed, and battling depression with the financial strain put on me by this injustice of this financial settlement, somehow I will get through. I have my kids.

And finally, let me make the point that prompted me to respond (I tried to validate and got myself worked up a bit ). No matter what happens you will be able to look in the mirror and know you did right. MVG, there are many injustices in this world. There are people that serve sentences for crimes they didn't commit. There are people who lose family to a texting driver. There are people who live in countries where laws and conditions make loss a common experience. Bottom line, the world isn't fair, and it's pretty brutal. But you're not a victim. You're just human, and suffering is what's on the menu while you walk the planet. In the end even if XW didn't leave you, you would encounter loss in some way at some point. There is no avoiding the suffering. All you can do is play your cards in the way you believe best, and take some comfort in the decisions you've made. In the grand scheme of things what's happening to me or you is pretty trivial, we can deal with it for a few decades until death takes us as long as we have our character.

I know when I have to take a cosmic view of things to cope that they're pretty awful, so I'm sorry you're dealing with this. But be strong and you'll get through. Play the game for your kids. Let them grow up with a warped view of normal because you don't have a choice. Breathe deeply, and make sure that when they look at your conduct and morals they learn something that might help them not be selfish entitled destructive dip$hits.

That is all.