WAW,still angry, am I indifferent or detached now?

[SH_]

Thank you Phoebe, Jksd, roist, Sara, and Lady V for checking in on me. I do have some thoughts on the wisdom and thoughts you have shared with me.

But tonight I write because the anger of the WAW has reared its head again after many weeks of calm.
I do not have to see nor communicate with her often except in short passings for drop offs with d5.
I do hear tales of difficult interactions of WAW and d17. These have caused breakdowns and panic attacks for d17. I say the interactions may be triggers as d17 has now gone a whole week without a breakdown nor panic attack and curiously enough she has not been to see nor spent anytime with her mother.

Well this blew up starting yesterday due to a decision I made. I had d5 Monday and Tuesday this week. Normally when I go to work WAW will have d5 during the day as she is a school teacher and out for summer break. D17 has mentioned how she missed her sister as her work and activities have left her with little time together. D17 had nothing going on on Tuesday so I decided that she could hang out with D5 while I was at work. I advised WAW that I would not be dropping d5 off Tuesday as I had made other arrangements. She promptly asked, did you take the day off in her sarcastic tone and look. For whatever reason this caught me off guard ( although it should not have) and in my desire not to get into a conversation or debate, I responded yeah.
Ugh....I knew right away as she mumbled under her breath and walked off that things would blow up somehow some way.

Well my daughters were excited to spend time together and had a blast. They sent me texts and photos all day of the fun they were having.
When I got home yesterday, d17 tells me her mother sent several odd texts and called several times. She wanted to know where I was and why I was not taking d17 to the doctor as she was not feeling well. D17 try to avoid the questions about where I was, but finally told her mother that I had stepped out for a moment.
I talked to d17 about why she felt she told her mother that. She said that her mom was being all weepy and woe is me and did not want to deal with her mother. I then discussed how she does not need to cover for me and if her mother grills her on what I am doing or where I am at then she can direct her to me.

Then today d17 decided she needed to go see the doc as her sinus infection had not cleared up. I told her I would get her an appointment. She said she could ask her mother if she could take her. I asked if she was sure she wanted to do so. She said yes.
Long story short, her mother was in a mood, cried at one point, said she did not feel wanted and that d17 did not need to come visit her on Friday for her birthday because it was just another day.

Then the fireworks begin as I received a text around noon from WAW saying that d5 had told her that I was at work yesterday and that I was a liar. Then 30 minutes later she called and left a voice message for d17 on my phone. Then she left another message for me asking me to call her.

When I got home d17 said her mother called and yelled, cried, yelled and then told her she loved her. I did not ask details of the conversation.

I called after getting some things done and left a message. WAW called and then laid into me.
Called me a liar, told me that I am manipulating d17, that I am breaking the terms of the d. And she would be talking to her lawyer. She said that she gets first right when I need d5 to be tended when I have work. I reminded her that when I have my days with d5 that her permission for everything is not needed. I told her that I do not question all of the times she leaves d5 with her brother while she runs off to do whatever it is she does. She said its non of my business what she does when she has our d. I replied that is correct. D goes both ways. And then she said I am not even paying her daycare nor child support. I reminded her that the d is not finalized and that is why I look for alternative options so that she does not feel she is taking it all on. I finally told her that we could talk at a later time when she was not calling me names and accusing me of so many things that do not add up. I then bid her good night.
She called back and screamed more, went down the same path of statements and accusations. I replied that I could tell she was upset, but that I would not listen talk any longer while she was upset and screaming at me.

Ugh... She so can smash my buttons and no matter how I try I can't handle how she makes me double and triple think everything I do.

I won't go Ito all of the imbalance of expectations between things now as I will not be a victim, but I will draw a line in the sand as my every decision and move is scrutinized by her as she interrogates my daughters to know what I am doing.

I am not a perfect man. I make many mistakes. But I am not trying to make her life miserable with every decision and action that I make. I was a confident young man once. I start to wonder if so many years of this behavior in small doses has bled that confidence from me.

So I am going to head off to sleep and pray that my mind can stay calm and that I can raise in the morning with renewed strength and energy.