My wife walked out 2

[hawker]

RSG,

Way to show some backbone! I think it ok to compromise and its not a sign of caving. Keep up the good work and having fun with your son!

[RSG]

Thanks Hawker.

Not much to report from last night. We Facetimed, and she was a little stand offish, but we still laughed and joked and told S goodnight.

This AM, Facetimed around 7:20. Actually spoke for about 20 minutes again. Spoke about S, work, why she went to the clinic yesterday, why traffic was so bad, etc. She said "your Dad is drawing up our papers right" and I said huh? I didn't bring it up again, but she said that "came out wrong" later she mentioned getting pictures done by her boss for the holidays as we usually had, but made it a point to say we won't get any together. I just said sure as that's 5 months off.

We were talking about an incident at school with S, and why she wants him in the other camp for a week. I agreed because it sounds like S is in a poor place there. But I will not be paying. Also, I find out she has a separate work account she uses to text as suddenly the messages I get aren't from her phone. Bing. Wish I didn't know that, but I saved it in my phone as it can be used later if necessary. I mention the ID for this work account shows a pic of S, she confirms and says nothing else about it. She knows I know what it means. Honestly, the anger I felt last week has dissipated. It's more of disappointment, and knowing I WILL teach my S that betraying those that love and care about you is wrong 100% of the time.

Her threats/mentions of D don't phase me like they used to. I'm not so scared anymore. I ask myself every time an incident pops up "Who is this woman" "Do I even like this new person" "Why does she forget so much about S" "The only positive consistent thing about her in the last 6-8mos has been she's a good teacher" And so on. Sad, but reality.

My Dad is an atty, but he's an IP Litigator. He could give a mediator a coherent list of stuff we've agreed on, but nothing near concrete and it would only be a VERY minor start. She hasn't researched 2 seconds on divorce lol.

I'm losing my attachment, that's for sure. I guess I've kind of dropped pretty quickly since it's been about 6 weeks where I've gone from I LOVE YOU ALWAYS to.....do I want to be with you? Makes my decisions easier, but it makes me sad for my S as he loves his Mommy dearly. I wish she were the woman he thinks she is.

Anyway, that's where I am. S is coming home tonight, and we're going to have a great time!!!!

[RSG]

LOL. More nonsense. So, WW asked me to pick him up early today. "He'd like that." I'd like it too, so I came 30 minutes early. We've had a great time. Spent about an hr at the pool, and I let him play without the float because he stayed around the 3ft area and he's about 3.5ft tall. He was in heaven!

Well, finally found out why she wanted me to come early. Got out of the pool near 7, find a text and two Facetime attempts around 6:30. "I'm going to the Nick Jonas concert wanted to say goodnight." Sandi's posts are 1000% true. WW's are laughably selfish. I just texted and said we were at pool. In the 6 weeks since she's left, I've missed 0 bedtimes. She's missed about 5 or 6. Not only that, unless it was a free ticket (doubtful), if she's got money for junk, she's got it for S expenses.

[RSG]

Not much today so far.
WW texted last night "kiss him goodnight for me" after I said "you missed bedtime again." I just said ok.

She came over this AM to pick S up, we got him ready to go, she mentioned she had a meeting and was visibly exhausted. I still find her attractive on the outside, but what's on the inside right now is all I see. She didn't say anything about the concert, missing bedtime, who she went with, etc. The old me would've lit into her about being selfish and asked a bunch of questions, but I just thought "will this help me reach my goals" and the answer was no. It doesn't really matter the details, she put nonsense over S. That's not the woman I fell in love with and wanted to be with for the next 50 years.

I didn't have to work to go emotionless around her as Sandi advised, her actions have done that. I'm going darker, which is much easier during the week for me. I'm not losing my temper nearly as much, with her or in traffic, w/S, etc. I picked back up the 5 love languages. It's great, I need to buy my own copy. I'm resigned to D, but doing nothing to instigate any talks and instead just taking one day at a time. I wear cologne daily, try to be friendlier and more outgoing. I'm even contemplating buying a pink shirt, a HUGE 180 for me lol. Symbolism more than anything.

I love my son and enjoy every second with him. I guess I shouldn't have any expectations for her to do the right thing, but when she disappoints S it gets under my skin. Last night he said "call Mommy" around the time she usually does, and he's never uttered that phrase before. Since this crap started, I've stopped whatever I'm doing and given him 5 minutes of my time to say goodnight. Because I love and miss him. I'm very disappointed she's gone from Super Mom to just good/average Mom, but as Sandi said WW's don't give a hoot about anything but themselves.

[Rose888]

Wait. Seriously?

This seems an excessive amount of judgement for missing calling her son at bedtime. Your standard seems unreasonable.

[RSG]

Wait. Seriously?

This seems an excessive amount of judgement for missing calling her son at bedtime. Your standard seems unreasonable.

It's 5 minutes of time daily. Easy. She used to leave us at home from 5-8 every weekday and refuse to spend a second with him. We would go to the park alone for months, and she refused to play with him. She would stay out until 4AM on a Fri or Sat night and be hungover the rest of the weekend and unable to play with him. When she left ALL she said was "S first" over and over. And she can't make 5 minutes for him.

Not excessive in the least.

[RSG]

I should add, she's been gone 6 weeks or roughly 36 days. 18 days apiece. She's missed bedtime 6 times now.

[MoveFrwd]

Wait. Seriously?

This seems an excessive amount of judgement for missing calling her son at bedtime. Your standard seems unreasonable.

When my kids arent with me, I dont contact them unless theres something urgent or important. I dont think that makes be any less of a parent.

Id urge you to really consider your thoughts here regarding this multiple times daily facetiming. Yes, it's only 5 minutes, but I wouldnt think a 3 year old would have any interest in facetiming for several minutes at a time multiple times a day. It seems like more than just your S talking to the other parent, to me.

[Coconut]

I agree with darkness, you may want to consider if you "really" need those updates right now. Not doing so may help you much along in your sitch.

RSG, it sounds like your doing great with your son, and he sees the lighthouse light your putting out, and knows where home is.

As for WW, no non-essential contact doesn't need to be a major boundary, it just needs to be. Tell your WW that your not interested in her being part of the family as long as she is having an A, and you will update her with goings on when you deem appropriate.

It may cause her to decide to give you fewer updates, but that's a consequence you may have to live with for the time being, you can always work out another deal if D happens. But for now, she is M to you, and an A is a deal breaker.

[RSG]

No not really. Whether it's 2 minutes or 5 minutes. This was her idea, because she missed her son so much. She has failed to do so about a third of the time. It's a pattern, starting from the time she started going out all the time.