* I went to the event * I went under my own steam * I felt very confident (quiet confidence, not arrogance) * I stayed in the neutral zone all evening (my BF called it nonchalance) * I wore a smoking hot, long black dress * I dyed my hair a deep red a few weeks ago * I went to the hairdresser get my hair styled beforehand (something I have never, ever done in my life before). I went for loose curls, old Hollywood style...very glamorous. I have poker straight waist length hair normally. * I wore different makeup to that which my colleagues had seen me in before * I accepted every single compliment that was fired my way (and I got shed loads of them...wow! There were a few of my colleagues and H's friends I hadn't seen since before October that actually didn't even recognise me. I had to tell them who I was). * I stayed longer than my H (I didn't actually notice at what point he left, but he was gone by the time I left) * I did not speak to H at all * I did not crack a look in OW's direction, or even acknowledge her presence * I chatted to loads and loads of people * I did not rely on basking in the reflected glory of my H to carry me though the evening * I didn't mention him to anyone at all, all evening
How do I feel about it all?
I was worried about how I would react, and was genuinely surprised and pleased that I was so indifferent to him and to OW. It feels like this came at the right time for me,
I know H did notice me, for sure. Quite early on in the evening, he clocked me, and came charging towards me (I was standing right at the bar). I just turned away, ever so slightly, so that it would be difficult for him to talk to me. And he did find it impossible to but in, but he did stand right behind me at the bar. I know he would have noticed my amazing hair
I wasn't ready to talk to him last night. I realise that now. I am happy with having been able to be in the same room as him (as well as with a few hundred other people) and remain so indifferent. I managed to carry that one off really well
How did he look? Unwell, like he'd lost weight. His energy was all over the place, weird. I could feel it very occasionally, but I chose to ignore it. He was dressing like a souped up parody of himself. He looked a caricature of himself, and I was a bit shocked to see that.
Anyway, I had a great time and felt very, very proud of myself.
