From my end of it, I'm not thinking about those conversations from the perspective of her husband, just as her friend. I've been able to detach enough to be able to do that. In some ways I think it will speed up the healing process if we ever get to the point of reconcilling as I'll already have the details I would have wanted to know/ask about.
lfm, this is awesome. I think it's so strong of you to be able to sit and listen to her while she's talking about OM, whether it be positive, or negative things about OM. I listened (or read) a story about a woman who's H left her for another woman. He was in limerance of this OW, and he would continually talk to his LBW about how in love he was and how great this OW was. She never complained at all, so always just responded with validation and empathy, stating "I understand how you feel for her, and I'm happy for you." (being sincere, meaninful, etc, and rephrasing her validation over time.
The H ended up leaving her completely, getting his own place, and for some reason, he didn't have room for a "home office/computer/printer", so he asked LBW if it was okay if he could come by and use her's when he needed to. She agreed and for a few years, he would talk about how great things were with OW, and she did nothing but validate him. After 3-4 years (i know, this time frame is not 'promising', but...) He finally started to see the LBW for the person that he fell in love with. He saw her strength and value as a person and that love for her started to rekindle.
Long story short, the OW became the LB-OW, and LBW and WAH reconciled their M. It's a feel good story. I wish I remember where I heard it / read it, but if it comes to me I'll be sure to link the article.
