Yay on your test grade Rottz!!!! GO YOU! Your H does sound like he can be a wonderful guy, and it sounds like I might need to check out those tapes...hmm. Big hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Hi Rottz, just read your post...I gotta try to get the Ellen Kriedman stuff...I havent really looked into it much, it sounds great. someone said reading your post was like holding up a mirror and I have to agree...I also have as a goal to let H know how much I admire and appreciate him...I really do and always have,and failed miserably to convey that message...obviously, OW got it across loud and clear...so, Now I'm trying to make up for lost time. One word of caution though: take it slowly...My H thinks I'm lying/putting him on sometimes because evidently it's such a change to express this to him. I also am working on trying to look at things H says differently. He really is a bright guy with an amazing amount of knowledge about many many subjects....yet he said I always made him feel dumb (???? I never meant to!). So now I just listen with interest, ask questions, and sometimes i say things like "that's amazing...how do you know all that?" I've also tried to change my perception of things that he says being an effort on his part to be controlling/patronizing...as an oldest, I REALLY don't like anybody telling me what to do...and am quick to react to things as being intended that way...for example, H has this habit of telling me my car is about out of gas....used to drive me up the wall, I would even roll my eyes at him, I used to think to myself "I don't need him to be my father"....one day in all this mess, it dawned on me that perhaps it was his effort to be helpful rather than controlling...I decided to look at it that way, and now when he tells me that instead of being angry and rolling my eyes, I say something like "yeah, thanks for reminding me"...and now I'm starting to find myself automatically looking at other things this way, and I honestly think it's kind of helping change the dynamics of our R.... As for ILY's, that's a toughy for me sometimes....honestly I think every sitch is somewhat different. I my case, I hvent stopped saying ILY, and I think it would be counter productive to not say it because H believed I DIDN'T love him....I even asked him about it once, and he said "no, I don't want to not hear you say I love you" (nothing like a triple negative to make a point!)....I don have to be careful though, because like everything else in my life, I can over do it, and I find I get anxious if H doesnt return the ILY's, so, I try to make sure I don't say it more than 1 or 2 X/day.
It's funny, but has some good advice. Like one woman posts that she is complimenting her H rather than nagging him.
But, it is mixed in with some funny stuff. Not sure I should have done this, but I forwarded one story to my H. It was a story about how a W introduced her H to "her" and he began to spend more and more time with 'her' and buying 'her' presents. Then, she decides to get her H back, but on that day, he calls to say he had been in a car accident.
Here's the end... Arriving, I saw him. He was fine. Not even a scratch. Thank you, Supreme Being of the Universe. But then I saw her. She looked terrible. Her body seemed broken, and what once seemed a stronger spirit from whom I could only declare defeat, now seemed fragile and vulnerable.
The experts were called in. The specialists gave us no hope. She would never be the same again. I tried to console my husband.
"She's not in any pain."
My sympathy fell on deaf ears.
When they announced she was gone, my husband sank into a sorrow. A thick, black and consuming sorrow. What would be strong enough to pull him from this unreachable place'
A whisper came to my ear: friends and family.
Today, I am having a wake. She was my friend. She was my enemy. She was my husband's other love. And from my guilt, I feel I must make it up to them both for all the resentment and distrust. And from my heart, I write this with humor and love.
After all, she's gone now. My husband says nothing will ever replace her. He is factually right...
They don't make parts for a 2003 Mercury Marauder anymore.
At least that's what the insurance company says.
LOLOL.
I changed the car to his car, which he loves more than me. (Definitely) I bought his car a rhinestone collar as a joke recently, it hangs from 'her' mirror. I know he will read the story thinking that I am throwing his EA back in his face, but hopefully he will get to the end and laugh.
right back at you. 
