3 Months of misery

[coffee_]

Zuess,
WTF, I cant keep the duct tape on my lips. She started a conversation about $$ and accused me of opening my own account before telling her, which I didn't. She wondered why I am doing this, and accused me of making this all about money. I need to learn not to trade words with her. We had an R talk, she showed some remorse and for the first time said she was sorry. She said she has said it before, the only time she has was in an email or two.
She keeps sucking me back in emotionally, I see what you are saying about detaching, and being completely detached...I think. This is letting go of the relationship that we once had, grieving the loss of that. If she turns around then we rebuild a new relationship or if she doesn't I will be that much more ahead of the game when the big D hits, am I understanding the two major reasons for the detachment correctly? It is hard, because the more I detach, the more she does, but I think I understand that also, we probably both need to detach for the same reasons.
I need to stop talking about the A's because your right, it does two things, it makes her think that I can never forgive her, so she perceives that any effort to R the M would be wasted, and it makes her feel like crap. The other mistake I made last night was I missed validating her feelings (I more than missed it, I discredited them), something that I have done constantly in the past, big mistakes I know. This is something that I really need to work on, I am selfish and when her feelings are a direct result of our M problems and I see it differently I immediately think she should feel like I do, she doesn't and I seem to miss that detail.