Wife wants divorce

[EDF]

It's very good that you have an open mind to assessing your own issues and any mistakes you may have made in your marriage.

From the standpoint of 180s, I think it's obvious that all of the accusations and loud arguments have not been helping your position. Even if she was having an affair, constantly arguing with her about it wouldn't improve your situation.

Have you made a personal commitment to not start random affair accusations and arguments anymore?
What concrete steps can you take to stop getting loud and angry when you talk?
Next time you inadvertently find yourself in a heated discussion, what will you do differently to get yourself back under control or take a break?
You mentioned drinking - if that's still part of your problem, are you doing anything differently there?

If you're able to make improvements on those items I think your wife would definitely notice! Telling your wife you plan to do those things, or are doing those things, isn't going to have any real effect anymore. However if you really commit and let your actions show your new direction, she will notice.

It may or may not be too late for it to save your marriage, but it sounds like you are aware you need to improve on those things for yourself regardless. That's what DBing is really about. Fixing yourself gives you the best chance of fixing the relationships you care about.