Pathway Change

[Coconut]

Blue boy, piecing is tough, and the emotions you and W are going through are tough to deal with, but it sounds like you both are working through them. I sometimes feel hypocritical giving advice, because I bounce off the walls with my emotions, and have a tough time working through things without going to extremes, but just I don't do it doesn't mean I don't understand what I should do.

Anyway, as for your W being concerned you see her as tarnished, I can understand her concern there, she left your M, broke her vows and was with OM. But do you feel like the fact she was with OM is a deal breaker, or is it more likely the fear she would do it again is the deal breaker? If you were to end it, would you only look to date virgins because anyone else would be tarnished because they were had been with OM, there aren't many virgins out there.

If you can get passed the A, and start a new R with a woman has been with OM (have you been with other woman in the past?) and the fear is of her doing it again, let her know that. Let her know that it's a new R, that when you both had gotten together the first time you both had been with OP, and that's how you see it now. Tell her that what you need is to know that she has boundaries that she will live by, that she will communicate with you and tell you when something is missing in her life, that you see a future with her where you have a great R, and not one that you will through the past in her face and ruin the future.

Are you two getting MC, if not, I strongly suggest it, it provides a safe place to work through M issues, and makes sure you both are working with the same playbook.

It's a bumpy ride, take time of you need to process your feelings, let her know you need that time and put a timeframe on it so it's not open ended and she knows what to expect. Enjoy the present when you can, not every minute needs to be spent fixing things, sometimes you just need to live in the now that you have. Live, laugh, enjoy having her there, even if it's platonic at the minute.