Cop1, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I see one of two things happening here: the first, being your wife is so manipulative that you've lost all control of yourself due to some kind of evil witchcraft. Or two, you really do realize you have a problem with something inside yourself, and you're taking everything out on her. Or I guess, the third would be, neither and it's all in your head.
I don't want to bring down an axe here, but it certainly sounds like, from the information you've provided, you have a problem dealing with anger. I would get help, or see someone about that immediately before it leads to something that can't be undone.
The paranoia you have, the distrust, is this something that has always been present? or did it just evolve over the last 5 weeks or so?
Was there something that happened, 5 weeks ago, that you could say, "changed things" to cause this sudden uproar of emotions and fears?
As for saving your R, and more importantly, saving yourself... it's not too late. You've come to a great place. Do the homework Cadet provided. You say you've read about 180's and LRT, but it doesn't seem like you really understand it yet, or don't know how to implement the actions. You need to step back and remove yourself from the situation. It's obvious that just being in her presence, or thinking about your W, puts you in a very instable state...
the 180 technique should make perfect sense here. If all you do is respond to her with anger, fear, threats, etc, then don't respond at all until you can get that under control.
