I've been married for 5 years and together with W for 8. We have 2 children aged 2 and 3.
During our marriage I have had a number of insecurities. I also became depressed a couple of years ago, started drinking and choosing to sleep on the couch.
About 5 weeks ago we started to argue terribly, this was down to me suspecting her of having an affair. I had no evidence of this and it was a though in my head due to being paranoid. This thought grew and grew to the point I was accusing her daily, checking up on her, going through her drawers and pretty much doing everything to find a trace of an affair.
She told me 5 weeks ago that ILYBINILWY, she said that she wanted to fall back in love with me and work at the marriage.
I couldn't seem to let the issue go though and I've really driven her to despair, my wife started to lie about things as she was scared of my reaction to it and knew it would cause an argument, I've never been violent, last Wednesday she lied about where she was so i packed her bags and took them to her mums.
W told me at this point there is no going back. That was a week ago.
She has since told me that she wants to be a family together, and do things with the kids such as go on holidays etc and she has moved her things back in the house. She has still said there is no going back for us.
I've spent the last couple of nights away from the house as I am still being argumentative and suspicious of her and causing arguments.
I've been to the doctors and been referred to a psychologist and have been given anti depressants.
I feel as though I've had a breakdown, in the first few years of marriage I was outgoing and made my wife laugh a lot.
She has messaged me asking if I'm ok and that she loves and cares about me and wants me to get help.
She has discussed selling the house and buying my share out a number of time already, she has calmly said its over between us, but she still maintains that she wants us to be a family together and live together for a while for the sake of the kids.
I love my wife dearly , I don't want to lose her but I understand that I've been the most difficult person to live with the past 5 weeks and she tried and tried to stay together, I just kept pushing her away.
I fear I'm too late to salvage anything as husband and wife.
Please any advise anyone could give to me would be great
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Won't be able to talk today as on board train. I do want us to be a family and do stuff together but you need to understand why I'm weary at the moment. Your behaviour is erratic. I don't want social services involved as it only takes a call from the neighbours. I would like you to talk to your mom and dad about helping you find somewhere. There is no rush at all! But it will not help you come to to terms with things. I care about you and you are an amazing dad and I want you to stay that why
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
I'm thinking more about where her mindset is now. She has said that she's very nervous around me and is unsure about being in the same house is I'm acting unpredictable.
I've assured her the past couple of days away have made me rethink things and I have been to the doctors.
My problem is OCD, I get it really bad at times which cause me to go on at her.
I'm thinking more about where her mindset is now. She has said that she's very nervous around me and is unsure about being in the same house is I'm acting unpredictable.
I've assured her the past couple of days away have made me rethink things and I have been to the doctors.
My problem is OCD, I get it really bad at times which cause me to go on at her.
Is she having an A? It sounds like you have not found any evidence of that but won't let it go. This really seems fixable to me, if you get some help. Maybe some IC for you and later on MC for you and your wife.
Me-45, W-37, T-10 yrs, M-9 yrs D -7 yrs, S-5 yrs BD-5/3/16, D filed 6/8/16
