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[RDS]

following up, RDS. I've caught up on most of your posts and firstly, I'm happy you've decided to seek the help of a DB coach. I will warn you that a lot of what the DB coaches will suggest, are not openly viewed by the forum members as the "right DB things to do", such as asking out for lunch, initiating contact, etc. When I first started the DB phone coaching, I had many internal conflicts of 'well, coach says this, experienced forum members say something else', and it's a bit troubling trying to figure out what's right for your particular sitch.

First off, betterm, I really appreciate your input into this. I agree it seems counter-intuitive to have contact with my WAW and invite her for lunch, but I figuring they're the experts and I'm paying them the money to help guide me through this.

7 weeks and only 5 minutes of contact has got to be a horrible things to deal with. I get your envy of some of the other people on here with their regular contact, and after 33 years, i can't imagine what it'd be like to just drop all that, cold turkey, and have no idea where your WW is living, or what she is doing. It sounds like you have a solid relationship with your D20, and that's a great thing you have for yourself, it's unfortunate she's out of the house for a while.

It was numbing at first, as it is with most people. I'm glad I was at a point in my job where I could pretty much sleep walk through my day to day activities. My head still isn't in it as much as it should be but when I have to put my nose to the grindstone I can make it happen. The first 10 days or so I would not have been able to do that.

If you do ask your W out for lunch, it seems you already understand that if it's met with rejection, you need to back off again. Something that was suggested to me by another coach, was one-way communications and one-way invitations. This could be something as simple as "hey, I'm gonna go grab some coffee at XYZ after work today, if you don't have anything going on... come on by." And if she shows up, great, if she declines, go get that coffee anyways, because she might be in the parking lot across the street just waiting to see if you're bullsh1tting her.

Yes, I understand that. That's a very good tactic as far an open door invitation. That was something I hadn't thought about.

One-way communication might be something simple as a text that requires no response at all. Non-intrusive, meaningful text that shows you are still connected to her in some way or another. For me, if I knew my W had an important meeting, interview, class, etc, to just say "hey, i know you have XYZ, I just wanted to say I hope everything goes well for you."

I've done some of that already. For example, I've got a guy who used to work for me that was almost like a son. Him and his girlfriend have a little boy and my W adores him. They are having another baby and I simply texted "Jeremy and Amanda are having another baby" and left it at that. She responded, "Wow". I've also texted her one line messages occasionally about stuff I know she would be interested in. Things like certain people who used to work for me in the AF are now retiring (typing that makes me feel old) I usually don't respond afterwards unless I think I need to.

Like I said, each sitch is different, and you've been married as long as I've been alive, so I'm obviously not experienced in what you're dealing with. The good thing about the coaching is you can tell them more about the "background" of your MR, childhood, culture, etc, and they will adapt their suggestions to you specifically.

That's what I'm counting on.

I hope things get better for you, and I wish you well in your attempts to find happiness again. The last thing, the social group you're talking about, I think that's a good thing to continue. I wouldn't "seek out" people that are looking to hear your story, but if opportunity arises, it's good to get stuff off your chest and get other opinions on things.

You have given me incredible advice. Are you for hire as an IC? I think I like you better than the IC I'm going to.