I can't think of anything different to say to you that Ginger and Job haven't said already.
I don't see a weak, co-dependent person here. We all have character flaws, but yours don't include being the kinder of people.
That being said, in my wildest dream, I couldn't picture you telling them to go f&ck themselves. Maybe at some point, you should do this with someone just so you know that you can do it. LOL. But this outsider looking in just sees someone who genuinely cares about the well being of the father of her boys. You care for your former MIL and extended family. By virtue of that fact, I personally think that you're long over him and the RT and the situation. You've got a steady, great guy. Is there any chance you just look at them like some cable reality show where you get to host the nuts?
I think you're the dearest, kindest person alive. I think your guy also knows how special you are. Your ex is clueless, and so is the RT. I think you nailed everything with them. She sees him as the solution to her immediate problem. Nothing more, nothing less.
If it makes you feel any kindred feelings, my XH took up with a woman 16 years younger than him (she's still in her 30s for crying out loud!), but who looks older than I do. My D22 says she thinks she's wearing a hard life. Probably so. Yesterday, he actually invited me to join him, D19 and his GF to drive to Montana for his dad's celebration of life. I was initially shocked, but I guess that's his way of telling me it's time he made the formal introduction. On a road trip. Presumably with me sitting in the back seat of his truck. I don't think so. I thanked him, but... my D22 said, WTF?
Anyway, I truly think many of us here were married to people who put their own selfish interests above us and their family. I mean read the stories here. Not one of us was married to someone who wanted us above all others. Does that make us unlovable or unworthy? Look around again. I've met many of you offline, and I see wonderful people with big hearts and generosity and compassion I that can't be equaled off this board.
In a nutshell? We've poured out our hearts to someone and a situation that didn't really care how hurt we were. Looking at that forest through a different set of spectacles, what would you say to you now?
One last guess for me is that you treat everyone with the respect you want from them - regardless how they treat you. In my eyes, that makes you the RL you are. It also makes you look gracious. You're like a modern day Jackie Kennedy. I mean that to be the highest compliment I could pay you. That woman had class in spades, and she always found a way to be true to herself without making others look crappy. I think it's awesome, and it's why I admire and like you so much.
Whatever issues were present in your marriage and divorce, dearest RL, they weren't about you.
Love and hugs, Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
