I agree with you doodler, feeling better about myself and doing things for me to meet new people, get out with friends etc, can give the freedom to realize you can be just fine on our own if necessary.
Learning about myself has also given me the light to see what I always felt was missing in my relationship. I always knew there were things missing but didn't understand why that effects so much other stuff. I needed the space to be able to do that, to really be able to focus on me without trying to fix someone else or the situation. Whether W does the same is an unknown position right now, doesn't mean I stop and wait for her to catch up.
I read something else by Coach one time and he said it's important to get ahead of them. They had a head start and, as you said, we spin our wheels trying to figure it out but we need to get moving for ourselves. Then I think the detachment comes naturally.
