Tate, stop warning your WW about telling your sister the truth. That is you trying to control your W. It makes you appear as a wimp. What if you knew that your WW would stay in the M? Would that prevent you from telling your sister the truth about her H?
You do not giving a warning of what you are thinking of doing. This is not how a DBer works. You keep your thoughts from your WW. The only place to express them is here on the board.
The M you thought you had is over. Your WW admitted to faking it. She speaks out of both sides of her mouth, which can be seen in your own posts. The last thing on her mind, at the moment, is being with you. She is using the kids as her leverage. She is the only person she cares about the most.
Watch this and you will start to see it more clearly. The WW makes decisions based on what's in it for her. No matter how big or small, her mindset is all about herself. Her own selfishness motivates her thoughts and actions.
Right now, there is no way you can make her want to work on the MR. Nothing, unless she believes you are dumping her. And, she knows she has nothing to worry about, b/c Tate is concerned about looking like the bad guy.
The children and your need to look like the nice guy, are the two things she is counting on as her passport in continuing her lifestyle.
I realize you care for her. Usually, when a man finds out his W wants another man........his craving for her becomes more intent. Wanting something we can't have is common for humans. I don't know what you are considering to win back her heart. I suggest you focus on your character. What does your character say about Tate, the man? If your character says you are honorable, loyal, having high standards, etc...........then those characteristics need to shine. She has lost her moral code, apparently, so let your character shine out. Not as self-righteousness, but as a strong beam of light showing the pathway back into an honest relationship based on truth and love. She may bounce around like a crazy person, but you show strength by standing tall with long roots firmly planted, not wavering, and not pushed around.
While you are away on your trip, I hope you can use time to think about who you really are and what you want your children to be when they grow up. Think about your values and what you must have in your life. Think about what you will not tolerate in your personal relationships. Begin to think on your personal boundaries. Everyone has certain boundaries, whether they ever state it or not. Sometimes, we need to consider what we would if those boundaries were dishonored. Would we react? How would we react?
Finding yourself in a M where boundaries are not honored, must be devasting. In your situation, there are so many people to consider, and you may be feeling the heavy weight of a decision to make. Most people here can identify with your pain and the weight on your shoulders right now.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
