WHs do come back--Piecing--

[BluWave]

Thanks everyone, for posting and for those of you simply reading or following my sitch. I know I was reading here for a long while before creating an account. It helped me get through some very hard times to know that I was not alone and that things would not be as they were forever. Sometimes when I felt so anxious, depressed, or helpless, I would come to the threads and just read for hours. So hello out there to you all--I was you--and you one day will be in a different place. That much I do know. :-)

Honestly, I am okay with the way things are for now. That is where I want to be, just to be at peace with my life and off the roller coaster. We are not in MC right now, we are not actively piecing per se, but we are okay. We get up, he makes my coffee, we go to work, we have balance with managing the kids and home, and we enjoy family time. There isn't much in the way of R talks, and H wants to create more definition to where we are--meaning what our expectations are from each other--and so I have been thinking about that. I wish he would put more effort forth into spending time together or initiating time just the two of us, but I am not going to dwell on it. I want my feelings for my M to be authentic and not forced.

So I have been reading other threads, but haven't stayed caught up enough to post, so I wanted to throw out an idea here. I think it's okay to not be in a hurry to make decisions and have to define the R. There is a lot of talk on other threads about needing to make decisions--to file or not to file, to move out or not, to tell the H/W that they expect this or else, etc, etc. And honestly, I see this all as a form of control. (C-nut, yeah I am talking to you too).

I am also reading that the wayward is acting the same way--threatening to move out, or file for D, or just needing to proclaim their position on where things stand. Again, I only see this as a form of control. When actions and words continue to come into conflict, then why not give ourselves permission to let it lie? Really think about this, what is the hurry to make any decision? Making decisions and taking action will not lead to feeling better, the regaining of control is just a crutch to ease the pain and loss of control.

So I just want to challenge some of you that are pressuring yourself or your spouse to make changes or to take action, that you should ask yourself how that will benefit you in the long run. It took time to know that we wanted to spend our life with this person, so it cannot be decided in a few weeks or months that we do not. When we try and rush (control others), we are only acting on emotions and ultimately do ourselves harm as we sabotage the M further.

-Blu