First Buds

[mustardseed]

Hi mustard seed

But my mistakes were domestic laziness and disorganization and nagging (he refers to it as verbal and emotional abuse)

I know that I am one of the most loyal and committed of partners out there. And to me that has more value then anything husband can complain about me to his friends and family.

Wow I could have written this, although the strange thing is that he started the discard phase after I got more organized and had a better system in place to stay on top of my domestic responsibilities.

I always told myself I would never clean up after anyone. H was always leaving his stuff everywhere, but I just let it pile up because I didn't want to nag, and I didn't want to be bitter about picking up his mess. So I just let it go. But it hard to clean around someone else's mess--so not much cleaning happened at all--until one of us would get fed up and take matters into our own hands. He is the top to do a quick surface clean and declutter. My favorite method was to do a deep clean starting with the closets, moving all of the furniture, and it would take days to complete. Needless to say this didn't happen often so we lived in clutter.

It got to me so I started to make it a hobby to clean rather than a chore and I really enjoyed it. It was easier to not feel like the maid when I made it a game. Like most hobbies I tend to get a little obsessive in the beginning, then it kind of settles down. The obsessive stage annoyed him to no end so he would start with the little digs about my cleaning. I would slow down a bit, try to keep my cleaning out of his way, but his annoyance still will peek through every once in a while and my spirit would be broken. The fun would start to wear off and I would start to feel unappreciated so I'd give up again just to keep the peace. Then after the mess got to be too much to handle I'd start right back up and the cycle would start again.

He loves to say how I am so flightly--never sticking to anything. Well, I've lived on my own for almost a year now and the dirtiest my new home has gotten is still cleaner than the old home ever was. I can have people over at any given time. Everything has a place and when it is time to do a deep clean it is an easy task because there are no piles of crap to sort through. I am enjoying it--and it a normal, fit it into my life kind of way. It isn't obsessive. It isn't even a game. It's just like brushing my teeth and taking a shower. I don't even have to think about it. And no one is putting me down for doing it. In fact the kids are on board and really appreciate it--although I do sometimes nag and they tease me for it. They like it here. I even caught them vacuuming once without being told. They like helping me with the dishes after dinner. They like planning meals and cooking with me. All of these things that we used to only be able to do when he wasn't around to put a damper on it. The day to day work of living is a pleasure without him around.

I think that is part of what is driving me crazy right now. He is love bombing them. Do they remember what it used to be like? It seems like they are really buying into his new persona, and if it is legit that is a good thing, but I am afraid it isn't. But there is nothing I can do about that.