MLC vs Midlife Reboot

[ciluzen]

Esame, I'm sorry you have to deal with this too. Rebuilding a support network is no easy task. But its like hitting a detour on your morning commute. You might end up finding the new route more pleasant or even find a cool new restaurant to try.

I have had to make new friends, and I've had to quickly back off from a few people that I have reached out to. I realize that sounds picky, but I need to be in order to feel emotionally safe. Sometimes when you reach out in crisis you pick up a few "drama queens and "looky-loos"...people who are there for you because they want to project their anger they harbor onto someone they don't know (one new friend touched on being irritated with her H most of the time but let loose on my H and wanted me to do mean and vindictive things to him). I don't need that, its not helpful, and really shows that she isn't supporting me as much as using my sitch to feed her own anger.

But I have found supportive friends who are just there for me. We don't dwell on my situation, although they don't mind checking in and listening when I need it, but we have fun together and great talks. I've so missed talking to people on a deeper level. Former social group just wouldn't do it. I missed it. Now I have it again and its very nice.

I also have a buddy from college that I have kept in contact with...she is still like a sister to me. She lives across the country, but we have our hour long phone calls.

Its funny, all of my old social group are about 5 years younger than me or my age. My new friends are not so much a group, just a bunch of individuals I've hit it off with. Most of them have met, as I open up activities to all, and like each other. But their ages range from just a bit older than my daughters to 10 years older than myself (26-61, if you don't want to do the math). There is a whole world of amazing people out there. I never have been able to stick to one group...I've never been good at being in a clique.

So, a quick thought about H. We are done with the house. But its funny, a few days ago he brought up having me over to his apartment to see it. I just let the comment go by and talked of something else. Then yesterday he helped me move some things from storage to my apartment and sat and shared a beer with me. We left to go back to the house and he asked me a question about the tv setup which I couldn't answer. So he said, "I'll look next time I'm over". My plan after this move was no contact. We will see, I guess.