She's gone. Living in the now.

[Surfer]

Claudio.IMHO you need to be careful with promises to children. I promised I would not leave Mummy - it panned out okay actually as she left (not that is a good thing). My daughter said please don't marry anyone else Daddy (they live with Mum). I promised her that whilst I am married to Mummy, and I still am, then I would not marry anyone else. I think you can make promises but you just need to make sure there is 100% no chance you can't break them. Just need to exercise caution. I am sure you can always find a way around what you have said if you needed to - perhaps a woman might find you when you didn't look for her etc. For now, I wouldn't worry about any of this. Just GAL, enjoy yourself. No nagging arguments etc. Great times when you see the kids and in the meantime do what you want. At times I think my WW has done me a great favour.

[Cld]

Scrant,
It hasn't been even a year yet since you separated. Probably your wife is having a midlife crisis caused by perimenopause and midlife crises usually last between 2 and 5 years, so if you hang on, your wife will come back to you. Just because your wife is acting like a teenager you don't have to as well. Having a girl will make it impossible for your wife to come back.
Many men give up too easily, don't make that mistake. You are the rock, you are the mountain, you are not going anywhere.
Hugs,
Claudio

[Cld]

Surfer,
Why would you want to marry anybody else after divorce?
Isn't the pain of a divorce bad enough, do you need to repeat it?
You can get your woman back after divorce if you wait, marriage is just a document, what you care about is the relationship with your woman.
Hugs,
Claudio

[Rose888]

I keep telling my kids: "Daddy will wait for mommy to come back, he won't look for another woman". Is it wrong to say that to the kids? What should I tell them instead to make them feel emotionally secure?

I would not be comfortable making a promise like that to my kids.

Your kids are young, and life is long.

In terms of their emotional security, I'd focus on the fact that you love them and always will.

You can say that you aren't looking for another woman without promising that you never will.

[Cld]

Rose,
I am.
Why would I want another woman?
I am perfectly fine living alone.
I got this from my father, he never gave up on my mother and they are still together after 42 years.
You will never give up on your children, right? No matter how much they make you suffer, they disrespect you, they cause you problems, they insult you...etc...So why would you give up on your spouse, it's just not an option.

[Rose888]

Rose,
I am.
Why would I want another woman?
I am perfectly fine living alone.
I got this from my father, he never gave up on my mother and they are still together after 42 years.
You will never give up on your children, right? No matter how much they make you suffer, they disrespect you, they cause you problems, they insult you...etc...So why would you give up on your spouse, it's just not an option.

I thought you were looking for opinions. I guess your questions were rhetorical?

The comparison to children doesn't fit. I have four kids. I could theoretically have or adopt more.

Since I'm monogamous, the spousal relationship is unique.

Not all spouses come back. Some go on to form other families.

It seems like a very risky promise to make.

[Scrant]

Getting back to my decision My thread is very long but W has had this on/ off infatuation for over 8 years, she was even sacked by him. I know nothing has to happen but it is something to think about. Today I texted the wider family group about my promotion. She texted personally saying how proud she was!

[Sotto]

Hi Scrant, well clearly your friends have designs on getting you and this lady together! For me, I didn't want to be 'married and dating' but many on this forum do choose to date before D is finalised.

Generally, the advice seems to be - wait until a year after any D is final before you consider dating. For me, we have been S two years in a couple of weeks and our D was final last month. I'm just considering possibly going out with someone from work (if asked!) who seems like he may be interested in me.

XH and me met and started dating just over a year after he and his XW1 had S. In hindsight I wouldn't do that again as things do take a good while (longer than a year for sure) to resolve.

I actually think a little dating may do no harm to your sitch...the more W sees you moving on the better. However, if you haven't decided to close the door on your M, my concern is more for the person you date and the possible hurt for them (and for you..)

All of this said - if you decide to go then good luck to you. I also see no problems with going out for a friendly drink with someone of the opposite gender.

Hope this helps my friend

[Cld]

Geez.

People have forgotten what commitment means.
I feel very bad for the kids, they are all going to be messed up for life.

[Rose888]

Getting back to my decision My thread is very long but W has had this on/ off infatuation for over 8 years, she was even sacked by him. I know nothing has to happen but it is something to think about. Today I texted the wider family group about my promotion. She texted personally saying how proud she was!

Sorry, Scrant. Didn't mean to derail your thread.

Personally, I wouldn't date while I was still legally married--and probably not for a good long while after the divorce was finalized. Partly because of wanting to honor my end of the marriage commitment. Partly because it muddies the waters of the new relationship.