She's gone. Living in the now.

[Scrant]

Quick update. I got the promotion I was waiting for. S has gone for lunch with W and some other people. W has just texted to a wider family group a photo of her there. First time I've seen her in three months, she looked goo. I noticed she is wearing a new gold heart shaped necklace. These are the things that make your stomach churn, just when I thought I was making progress!

[lfm]

Congrats on the promotion! I agree on the little things we notice that set up back, and funny how much more I notice now than I ever used to.

Hope you have a great weekend Scrant!

[Sotto]

Hey Scrant

You are making much progress my friend. And we all get these unwelcome reminders of our WAS along the way. I haven't seen my XH in any way shape or form - photo or otherwise for almost 2 years, which is great For sure it doesn't help to see a little gold heart and wonder who bought that etc... (((Hugs)))

Really pleased to hear about your promotion....obviously they have excellent taste!!

Have a good weekend, and know that you will get to a place where you can see a photo of your W and feel differently to know.

Xx

[Sotto]

Sorry - that should say: differently to now! Xx

[Scrant]

Thanks Ifm, Sotto.
This forum really helps pick me up at times. Have a great weekend everyone.

[Fogg]

Hey Scrant. It's been a long time since I posted in your thread and I'm not caught up but congrats on the promotion.

[Cld]

Hi Guys,
I really enjoy your posts because they are very similar to my situation. It looks like we are all trying to detach at the moment and I see that in some cases there is an OM which is terrible and destructive. I don't have proof yet that my wife has found another man but it could very well be.
Having said that, I noticed that our wives, because of their age, might be going through midlife crises, which on average last between 2 and 5 years for women.
I would like to know if you are going to wait for their crisis to pass or if you are just going to find a new girlfriend and move on?
I am a stander and I have decided to wait, even if I find out that my wife is having an affair, this is just the way I am.
I will never give up on our marriage, I will give her plenty of space and time, I am not contacting her at all, but I will be there if she decides to come back someday.
What do you think?

[Scrant]

I'm not looking for anyone new at the moment because I'm still in a phase where I still have feelings for W. That said the reality is that she is living and sleeping with OM so it is more than likely she won't come back. I'm lucky to have S living with me, he's my priority for the next couple of year until he goes to University. I think all we can do is try to live the most enjoyable life we can in the circumstances, value the good moments, overcome the bad and try to work on ourselves. Who knows how we'll feel after a year or two? I knew my W for 26 years, it takes time to adjust to not being her best friend,etc. maybe in the future but not now. No more cake eating as it only validates her decisions and makes me feel terrible, like tearing a bandaid off a fresh wound.

[Cld]

I keep telling my kids: "Daddy will wait for mommy to come back, he won't look for another woman". Is it wrong to say that to the kids? What should I tell them instead to make them feel emotionally secure?

[Scrant]

After all the talk of waiting or moving on I've got a decision to make. I'm going to meet a married friend of mine for a drink this week. She's told me that she might have a nice lady friend for me to meet if I fancy some adult company! A close friend said she is about my age, clever and looking for stimulating adult company. He said not to think of it as a potential relationship but someone for adult company and to go out as a foursome with my friend and her husband. Don't know what to do. I haven't done this sort of thing since I was 21. Don't know if I'm ready yet or if I'm just scared. Also how S might interpret it, although it is hardly the same as his mum's actions. A lot to think about!